How Elon Musk Buying Twitter May Affect San Francisco
Photo of Twitter Headquarters in San Francisco. Image courtesy of Runner1928
So, unless you’ve been living under a rock, you have heard about Elon Musk’s recent purchase of Twitter. If you haven’t heard, allow me to loop you in: Elon Musk, the dude who had a baby with Grimes and named it something absurd, now owns Twitter. You’re probably wondering why I didn’t mention the fact that he owns Tesla or Space X. Well, I don’t own a Tesla, nor do I see myself going to space any time soon, but I do like a few Grimes songs, so, as a result of that, he is the dude who had a baby with Grimes in my book.
There’s no doubt that Musk’s acquisition of Twitter will change the social media landscape on the internet, but there has been little discussion about how it will change San Francisco. There are a few likely scenarios that could take place now that Grimes’ baby daddy runs the most pointless social media site in the world.
He moves Twitter to Texas
This is actually something I want to happen. Elon has moved Tesla out of the Bay Area to Austin, TX. What’s to stop him from doing the same to Twitter? While this may make city leaders nervous, it would at least be a symbolic victory to people who think tech has had a negative impact on the city. It may inspire other companies to follow suit, which would be great. Why the fuck does every tech company need to be in San Francisco? They don’t. People in the Bay don’t even want tech here. Texas loves rich guys who awkwardly pretend to be alpha males. Elon was practically made for Texas. Save a tweet, ride a cowboy.., or something.
He makes Twitter employees return to office
Twitter was one of the first companies to adopt a work from home policy early in the pandemic. It was later announced that Twitter would allow employees to work from home permanently. However, this was back when the nose ring king Jack Dorsey was CEO, now it’s Musk and his incredibly natural hairline. But Musk and his hairline have expressed doubts about the viability of remote work. This is probably what London Breed wants. If Elon forces Twitter workers back into the office, there will be more dudes with Macbooks walking around Market Street getting mugged. San Francisco is saved. We did it. Yay!
He turns Twitter HQ into a homeless shelter
This is probably a troll on his part, but Musk has suggested that since Twitter’s employees all work from home, they could ideally turn the headquarters into a homeless shelter. And honestly, why the fuck not? I know he probably won’t, but Twitter’s headquarters borders the Tenderloin and SoMa, both neighborhoods deal with an extreme amount of homelessness. I can’t really think of a better use of the building. There’s almost something poetic about it.
Nothing changes at all
There is a chance Musk doesn’t do shit. He allows employees to continue to work from home. He doesn’t move the headquarters and the building just sits empty for the foreseeable future. This would mean that Musk’s Twitter takeover had no effect on San Francisco at all, but that doesn’t make for an exciting article.
Regardless of what happens, Twitter still sucks.
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