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Tucker Carlson Is From The Mission District?

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I remember mindlessly scrolling on Facebook when I saw it: an SF Standard article about San Francisco’s ‘Nepo Babies.’ I thought to myself “Ahh, more rich people to hate,” and I clicked on the link. Many of the names and faces were ones I had expected to see. But one stood out: Tucker Carlson. Yes, that Tucker Carlson. The one on Fox News who continually squints when he’s talking like he’s perpetually constipated, as a way to emphasize to baby boomers in the Midwest how scary everything is, and how the only way to fix the world is to not tax corporations. 

Not only is Tucker from San Francisco, he’s technically from the fucking Mission District. Yes, that Mission District. The neighborhood that has its walls covered with murals celebrating Latin America and working class resistance against the very same corporate entities Tucker has spent his entire life sucking off. 

Considering who his mother was, I guess the most rebellious thing Tucker could do was to become a fascist.

To make things even weirder, or more San Francisco, Tucker’s mom was a hippie artist who was born into one of San Francisco’s wealthiest families and apparently did everything she could to distance herself from her privileged past. 

Considering who his mother was, I guess the most rebellious thing Tucker could do was to become a fascist. So that’s what he did. 

Well, not only a fascist, but a fascist journalist, if you want to call what he does journalism at all. 

And what brought Tucker into the world of journalism? None other than his dad, who worked as a journalist and had a close working relationship with Ronald Reagan. Reagan even appointed his father, Dick Carlson, to become the Director of the United States Information Agency. This agency operated as the propaganda arm of the United States to promote capitalist talking points and to combat the Soviet Union. 

Well, not without the help of his dad, who told him to become a journalist because they’d “take anybody.” Which is a nice way of saying your son is dumb and that you don’t believe in him. 

Unfortunately Tucker took his dad’s advice and got into journalism. Which eventually landed him on Fox News where he basically became a conservative boomer babysitter. 

Obviously where you’re from doesn’t make you who you are. So, next time someone flexes being from San Francisco, or the Mission District, just to take the wind out of their sails, be like “Isn’t that where Tucker Carlson is from?” And watch them squirm. 

But in all seriousness, I was surprised. Not that he was from San Francisco,  if I found out he had connections to Pacific Heights, Nob Hill or Saint Francis Woods, I wouldn’t be that surprised. But the fact that it was the Mission, out of all of SF’s many distinct neighborhoods, made me feel like I was living in some kind of weird simulation.





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Abraham Woodliff - Bay Area Memelord

Abraham Woodliff - Bay Area Memelord

Abraham Woodliff is an Oakland-based writer, editor and digital content creator known for Bay Area Memes, a local meme page that has amassed nearly 200k followers. His work has appeared in SFGATE, The Bold Italic and of course, His book of short stories, personal essays and poetry entitled Don't Drown on Dry Ground is available now!