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More Rain? Another Atmospheric River Set To Slam The Bay Area

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California has been in a historic drought for the last couple of years. And how do you fix a historic drought? With historic rainfall, and that’s exactly what we’re getting more of this week. 

Beginning last night because you’re going to read this on Tuesday, and ending on Wednesday, which is the day after Tuesday, which is after when you’re going to read this; a big ass atmospheric river is going to continue moistening you. You probably know this since the latest round of moisture has already begun, and you’re probably already moist. 

Now you’re probably wondering how moist is moist? The answer: pretty fuckin’ moist, pal. 

The Santa Cruz Mountains are getting the bulk of the rain. Not that the Santa Cruz area needs any more rain since Capitola just recently turned into a swimming pool resulting in a ton of property damage in the great moistening of January.

Are you rich? If you’re in San Francisco, you might be. And if you’re rich, you’re probably wondering about Tahoe since that’s where you guys go to see snow, or as I call it: the firm moist. 

The Lake Tahoe/Reno area is gonna get 2 feet of firm moist, so you and your rich friends can ski or snowboard or do cocaine. Whatever you wanna do. You own the world. Congratulations! 

Now that we’re done talking about all that is moist, let’s talk about some temperatures. Are you going to freeze? Is the Bay Area gonna snow again? 

Nah. Well, it depends, but not really. 

San Francisco will be in the 50s. Which is cold, but not nearly as cold as the hearts of the people who run it. 

The Peninsula will also be around the 50s. Directly on the coastline, it’s going to be in the high 40s. So basically if you are going to go to the Pacifica Taco Bell, bring a jacket. 

The North Bay is going to be in the 50s, too. I think Santa Rosa will be the coldest. Yes, Santa Rosa is in the Bay Area. Simmer down.  

The East Bay, the place that actually has people from the Bay Area living in it, will also be in the high 40s, at least on the bayshore. The inland parts will be a bit warmer with Antioch and   Brentwood in East Contra Costa County seeing the highest temperatures. 

Oh yeah, and who could forget the South Bay, or as most people refer to it, Silicon Valley. The temps there will be dropping too. Not as low as shares of Silicon Valley Bank, but they will be low. They’re going to be between the high 40s and low 60s. 

Santa Cruz will have the same fluctuations as the South Bay. 

You’re probably thinking “I could have gotten this information from a news site or something.” This is true, but, ‘ya know, support Bay Area indie writers and let me tell you about the weather while saying moist as many times as I possibly could. 

I was going to write a serious article, but I’ll save that for next week. 

Until then, stay moist, my friends.






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Abraham Woodliff - Bay Area Memelord

Abraham Woodliff - Bay Area Memelord

Abraham Woodliff is an Oakland-based writer, editor and digital content creator known for Bay Area Memes, a local meme page that has amassed nearly 200k followers. His work has appeared in SFGATE, The Bold Italic and of course, His book of short stories, personal essays and poetry entitled Don't Drown on Dry Ground is available now!