Empowered Alliance: Women Shaping Success in Oakland’s Dive Bar Scene

It takes guts to go out and own your own business in the Bay Area. Could you imagine what kind of grit it takes to own a dive bar in Oakland of all places? And what if you’re a woman owning said bar in a male-dominated field?

This is a story about the inspiring journeys of Shari Murphy, Lexi Filipello, and Allison Fontes, courageous women who defy the odds by owning some of Oakland’s best dive bars. United by friendship and mutual support, they prove that in a male-dominated field, collaboration triumphs over competition. Beyond their own origin stories, they offer valuable advice for aspiring bar owners and bartenders alike.

Lexi Filipello (left), Allison Fontes (middle) and Shari Murphy (right) stand in front of Baggy’s by The Lake.

Shari Murphy owns Baggy’s by The Lake. Lexi Filipello owns The Lodge. Allison Fontes owns Heart & Dagger Saloon. Through the years they’ve felt less alone by having each other to lean on. “Knowing these ladies makes you feel less alone when you know there are other women  doing the same work,” says Filipello.

When you work in a similar industry, it’s easy to get competitive. These ladies show us that helping each other out can create a network of support. While their lives can sometimes be pretty complicated with so many amazing projects and businesses, they still find time to connect when they can.

Inside the classic Oakland dive bar, Baggy’s by The Lake – photo by Vita Hewitt

Murphy chimes in to say, “Both gals have been wonderfully supportive and it’s nice to have that where backbiting is all too tempting for others. We do manage to get together sometimes but we are all so busy it’s hard! Thank goodness for cell phones and texts.”

“I respect both of those ladies immensely. They’re two of the hardest working women I know and I’m proud to call them my friends as well as my colleagues,” says Fontes.

I asked each of them similar questions so we can get to know each of them and what makes them such amazing people. We also learn what it takes to own a bar in such a gritty city like Oakland. 

Meet Shari Murphy of Baggy’s by The Lake

Baggy’s it on the east side of the Lake. It’s one of those classic Cheer’s-like joints where everyone knows everyone when they walk in. Murphy knows nearly everyone’s favorite cocktail or beer and you see her ‘tending with grace and a smirk. I met Murphy back in 2003 and loved her ever since. There are few people like her. She’s silly, extremely smart, caring and makes an amazing cocktail.

Shari Murphy of Baggy’s – photo by Vita Hewitt

Tell me how you got your start in the industry?

Murphy: “Since I was young, I have had interests in chemistry and psychology. I thought I would become a Psychiatrist or Art conservator. When I became a teen horse mom it was quickly apparent that I needed to make money sooner than later, and I couldn’t afford the long school track those professions required.

I had already started beer-tending at 18 for a picnic company with a snack stand, and in a moment of “Let’s be bartenders!” a good friend and I started down that road. He went to bartending school, and I started cocktail waitressing. As two hungry, enthusiastic, mostly responsible young folks we both quickly moved into the bar world through different avenues. I started at the Brass Boar lounge in CV, a bowling alley bar!”

Shari, owner of Baggy’s by The Lake, smiles while pretending to rock climb on her bar.

Murphy: “The manager there was a tough as nails no nonsense woman who scared me but gave good advice. A 40 year bar veteran there, Gloria, took me under her wing when she saw I was willing to work and showed me how to make drinks. Soon I was cocktailing, bar-backing, and pouring all at once. My first real bartending job was at Sadie’s Flying Elephant. I met Jules at the barn (so the horse mom thing came in handy after all) and she gave me a chance at her and her partner’s bar. Everything has flowed from those ladies giving me a shot!”

What unique challenges do you feel you have to face being a woman in your industry?

Murphy: “It’s gotten a lot better now, and I’ve worked for some really great people, but stereotypes and expected “female” behavior still persist. Some customers still expect flirtatious and meek behavior from all female staff, and that’s great and can be a fun dynamic, but it’s not for all of us. It takes a tough person to be in this industry long term, and grouchy men are seen as mysterious and so are the weight of the world (wrist across forehead), handling business! And a grouchy woman is still just a Bitch, capital B.

This job will make anyone grouchy sometimes. Period. I still have to fight for basic respect in many cases, which is tiring when I have other things to handle, and many men are just listened to the first time. Frustrating. But there are no hard rules and I definitely work with so many others who just get down to business with me and it’s not an issue whatsoever.”

Shari Murphy standing in her bar, Baggy’s by The Lake – photo by Vita Hewitt

How has your relationship to other women bartenders and bar owners helped you in your career?

Murphy: “Two fabulous ladies helped get me started, but still it used to be more boys clubby, and there was some competitiveness to either get jobs or be part of the boys clic. I had one industry woman completely ignore me point blank on repeat when joining a conversation with a male bar colleague. Ouch. Thankfully I’ve worked with so many talented female bartenders and cocktail crushers that I’ve had more support along the way, and those things aren’t an issue at the spots I still ‘tend.”

Editor’s note: I got some news that there is a new bar Murphy will be opening up soon! I plan on pressing her more about this in an upcoming follow-up interview about the wild history of Baggy’s. Did you know they have a ghost – it’s true! The story about how the ghost came to be is WILD.

Shari Murphy of Baggy’s – photo by Vita Hewitt

Meet Allison Fontes of Heart and Dagger Saloon:

If you’ve never been to Heart and Dagger – here’s your nudge to go. Located just down the street from Grand Lake Theatre, Heart and Dagger is an unassuming house-turned-bar. There’s been a bar in this location since the 40s but Fontes officially opened Heart & Dagger in this location in 2010. They have regular pop-ups featuring local small food businesses, lots of regulars who are fun to talk to and a small outdoor space in the backyard which comes in handy on those warm East Bay nights.

Allison Fontes stands inside her bar, Heart and Dagger Saloon – photo by Vita Hewitt

How did you get into bartending?

Fontes: “I started bartending after I graduated college.  Although I am from the SF East Bay originally, I had moved up north for my undergraduate studies. When I moved back to the area after college all of my old friends had moved away.  I thought getting a job as a bartender would be a good way to supplement my income from my day job while meeting new people at the same time.  And I was right!  I made some great friends and had some fantastic times there, and ended up staying on for five years!  I eventually quit the day job and put myself through graduate school by bartending at that spot (another fantastic woman-owned East Bay pub).”

What unique challenges do you feel you have to face being a woman in your industry?

Fontes: “Unfortunately, sexism is still alive and well in this industry.  I’ll never forget the time a male beverage brand representative called me to try to sell me some product.  He offered to “send a couple of girls over there” to sweeten me up.  I had to laugh and let him know the same sales tactics he might use with male bar owners/managers weren’t going to work with me.  I still get  “let me talk to your boss” more often than I should from folks because they don’t believe a woman is in charge of the bar.”

Can you find Allison in her Oakland dive bar – photo by Vita Hewitt

How has your relationship to other women bartenders and bar owners helped you in your career:

Fontes: “I was given my first shot at bartending by a woman who owns a successful bar and I learned so much from that first job. Back in those days women-owned bars were much fewer and further between than they are now and I’ve always had a lot of respect for her. As this industry is definitely still a “boys club,” I look at other women bar owners as kindred spirits.  I think we all somewhat share a similar bond.”

Allison sits in front of the bar’s original sign when it was known as Serenader – photo by Vita Hewitt

Any fun events happening soon at Heart & Dagger?

Heart & Dagger is hosting a fundraiser for Community Education Partnerships (CEP) on Friday, May 19, from 6-8pm 

About CEP from their website, “Our mission is to increase the learning opportunities and enhance the academic achievement of students experiencing homelessness and housing insecurity.”

The backyard of Heart & Dagger is decorated with street signs – photo by Vita Hewitt

They also have a couple of resident food pop-ups to patronize. 2232 Sandwich Co. serves up tasty sandwiches, burgers, and wraps Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights from 8pm-midnight and Sundays from 4-8pm. Compost Kitchen (also a female-owned business) offers fantastic Filipino comfort Food Wednesdays from 5-9pm and Saturdays from 12:30-6pm.  Check them out and support two small businesses in one location.

Finally, Let’s Meet Lexi Filipello of The Lodge:

Lexi Filipello standing inside her bar, The Lodge in Oakland – photo by Vita Hewitt

Filipello might be the silliest of the three women featured in this article. They said they love being constantly exposed to so many different types of people because it “really makes me look less crazy.” Flipello currently operates The Lodge but they also own Stinky’s which has been closed since January due to water damage from all of those storms we had.

How did you get into bartending?

Filipello: “My Sister was a bartender at a place called Tony Romas. “A place for ribs” in Santa Rosa. I used to stop there for Jack and cokes. I may or may not have been old enough but again that’s another story. It was the early 90’s and we were bad kids. Anyway my sister tended bar and I thought I  could totally do this, it seems easy enough. So I started working in SF at a bar catering company shortly thereafter and then started my fascinating career in the world of club bartending and working coat check at raves and underground clubs. It was the 90’s!!!!

What unique challenges do you feel you have to face being a woman in your industry?

Lexi Filipello at the bar in The Lodge – photo by Vita Hewitt

Filipello: “I’ve been a bar owner for over 20 years and started back in my early 20’s I fell into bar ownership as a long time bartender and just happened upon it. It really wasn’t my life dream but here we are. The bar industry is male dominated. Well, actually take a step back…business across the world is male dominated. It’s sad really.
Most people assume that I’m a bartender or the owner’s wife. I’m used to it at this point, but I love to mess with people and usually make terrible jokes at their expense. It’s hard to own a bar as a woman as we are always on our period or in labor. Lol, kidding. Being a female bar owner we get shit done. And have impeccable taste.”

How has your relationship to other women bartenders and bar owners helped you in your career?

Filipello: “I have my little crew of women friends, most have spawned from bar owning either staff or other bar or restaurant owners. It’s a hard business and there’s lots of daily maintenance so it’s hard to have many relationships at all really, but I’m really lucky to have my humans.”

The Lodge is a classic Oakland Dive Bar – photo by Vita Hewitt

Where can you find these women-owned bars?

HEART & DAGGER

504 Lake Park Ave, Oakland
Facebook: @HeartAndDaggerSaloon
IG: @heartdaggeroakland
Website:  www.heartanddaggersaloon.com

BAGGYS BY THE LAKE

288 E 18th St, Oakland
IG: @baggysbythelake

THE LODGE:

3758 Piedmont Ave, Oakland
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/THELODGEONPIEDMONT
IG:  @the_lodge_oakland_ca
IG: @Stinkys_bar