Gardeners Find Duffle Bag Filled With Money In The Inner Sunset

I have so many fucking questions about this story. The first question is: Why not me????

In a series of events  reminiscent of a heist movie, an unexpected discovery unfolded in a tranquil San Francisco neighborhood.. Volunteers tending to  gardens of the Inner Sunset stumbled upon a black bag concealed within a planter box, brimming with soggy stacks of $100 bills swathed in red napkins.

The peculiar find transpired on February 28th, when members of Garden for the Environment were tending to a garden. Maggie Marks, the executive director of the garden, recounted how the volunteers initially perceived the cash as substantial but were taken aback by the sheer magnitude of the undisclosed fortune. The bills, however, had been damaged, melding together due to exposure to moisture.

Approximating the total at a staggering $50,000, the volunteers  call the cops.  A team of officers descended upon the garden, securing the cash as potential evidence. Yet, the origins of this clandestine bounty remained shrouded in ambiguity, leaving investigators puzzled.

I would have kept the money. What the fuck is wrong with gardeners? Well, to be fair, this is San Francisco. 50k is basically enough money to put a down payment on a cardboard box, so, ‘ya know, context is everything.

Speculation ran rife, with some entertaining the notion of a connection to Lunar New Year festivities, which had recently concluded. However, the dilapidated state of the bills, in stark contrast to the relatively pristine condition of the napkins, cast a veil of suspicion over this enigma. Marks wondered whether the money had undergone a fiery ordeal before being hidden within the napkins.

Situated in a bustling thoroughfare near Seventh Avenue and Lawton Street, the garden’s locale heightened the intrigue surrounding the discovery. Despite its conspicuous placement, the concealed cache had eluded notice until the fateful encounter with the vigilant volunteers.

The unanticipated windfall left both the garden’s volunteers and staff unsettled, grappling with unanswered questions. The sheer magnitude of the sum, coupled with its clandestine nature, evoked a sense of unease. Marks articulated the prevailing sentiment of apprehension, pondering the identity of the anonymous benefactor and the circumstances surrounding the abandonment of such a substantial sum.

In the aftermath of this surreal revelation, the placid gardens of the Inner Sunset bore witness to an unfolding saga of mystery and speculation. As investigators continue to unravel the enigma, the lingering aura of intrigue serves as a poignant reminder of the unforeseen twists that life often unveils in the most unexpected of places.

Why am I writing like I’m trying to impress an English Professor? Because I want you to subscribe to my Substack!

But seriously, why couldn’t this happen to me? I got hospital bills to pay!

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