Does JD Vance Hate The San Francisco Police Department?
Couch enthusiast and Vice Presidential nominee, JD Vance, has gotten into some hot water recently. A 2014 email that Vance sent to a friend has leaked to the New York Times. In the email Vance does two things you’re not allowed to do in conservative politics: hate the police and display empathy towards black people, but this fucking MONSTER does BOTH!
An encounter with SFPD prompted Vance to write, “I hate the police. Given the number of negative experiences I’ve had in the past few years, I can’t imagine what a black guy goes through.”
Vance and his wife moved to San Francisco in 2013, and as newcomers to the city, it was only right that they were initiated by the local neighborhood bippers.
According to Vance, when he reported the crime to SFPD, they ignored him.
Vance has since apologized for the statement and said they don’t reflect his views on law enforcement, which is kind of disappointing.
I want there to be a conservative candidate who openly hates the police because I am a fan of novelty, and conservative bootlicking is predictable.
It would have been more fun if Vance was like, “Hey New York Times, I do hate the fucking cops. And if Trump wins the election, I’m going to wait for Trump to die of natural causes since he’s like 80, and then I will directly defund the police. If you got a problem with my stance, you can make like a couch and get fucked.”
Unfortunately Vance backed down.
This is what I don’t understand about the contemporary pursuit of power. Why even be powerful if you can’t pop off. You better hope I don’t become rich. If I get some real money, I’ll literally walk into one of San Francisco’s many precincts, drop trou, and take a shit on the floor while screaming, “I’m a millionaire!” And then when SFPD tries to arrest me, I’ll say, “remove your hands from my penis!” Even if they didn’t touch my penis.
It would be a great story. All rich people do is go to lunch and have zoom calls while using buzzwords that don’t really mean anything. They’re fucking boring. They might do coke and dance until they get sweaty or trip on shrooms at Burning Man, but that’s about it. Normal people are way more interesting because things have stakes and they do all the real work. I wouldn’t mind rich people as much if they used their privilege to piss on a cop’s shoe or go into Nordstrom and shove all the Gucci socks into their asses.
Can you imagine how beautiful that headline would be?
Imagine you’re sipping your money cup of coffee and you go to the San Francisco Chronicle’s or the SF Standard’s website and you see:
Vice Presidential Candidate JD Vance Arrested In Union Square after allegedly shoving 17 Gucci socks and a small Louis Vuitton purse in his rectum.
Wouldn’t that be a great day? Will these rich people think about us for a change?
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