Facebook Dating: Lamebook Sticks It To ‘Em!

Lamebook is definitely THE best thing that has happened in the web-based sphere of my life since Gif Party, guys.  I think I’m more addicted to it than actual Facebook, because takes the best (worst?) parts about Facebook (making fun of everyone to yourself on your newsfeed) and just gives you the juicy stuff.  And you don’t even have to suffer through being these morons’ friends!  I have spent countless HOURS in the past few days of my unemployed, freelance life looking through Lamebook, and have compiled the following highlights as they relate to sex and dating so you guys, at your real jobs, don’t have to!:

1) Leaves and Parisians

This one combines my three most favorite things: not knowing how to spell pretty essential words, taking yourself way too seriously, and generally being a moron.  There are so many things wrong with these people, I think my eyes may have popped out of my head multiple times like Roger Rabbit or that really sexist Wolf guy from Looney Tunes. Best line ever? Danielle’s assertion that she’s “…now datin a real man from PARIS” with Samir’s response to Danielle’s confusion between Parisian and Persian coming in at a close second: “I took a semester of French freshman year, does that count?” Something tells me Samir is gonna get sick of Danielle real fast.

2) Amanda

A friend of mine recently broke up with her boyfriend, and wanted to casually advertise on her facebook page that she was now single again without messing with her relationship status. As a joke,my other friend suggested that she just change her regular status update to “SINGLE! SINGLE! SINGLE!!”  And then someone totally unrelated actually got as close to that as possible. Now, I dunno if this is real, but I kind of don’t care. Once again, guaranteed comedy = someone incredibly melodramatic and cheesy taking themselves way too seriously. Maybe it’s the strange casual nature of facebook that heightens the hilarity when someone oscillates pretty crazily between being dead serious and “Yo, hit me up, I’m SINGLE!”

3) Awkward!

This is exactly why updating your status on facebook every minute of the day and talking mad shit/oversharing all the time is a bad idea. I kind of like that Michaella had the balls to respond in the way she did, though.

4) WHO IS THIS BOY?

I wish facebook was around when I used to party at my friend’s condo when we were 19 and random dudes would wake up on her couch. I think we once spent hours staring at this one 40-ish looking dude until he woke up. Scary! Anyhoople, you’ve really gotta hand it to Maria & Sandy: this method is pretty efficient, and if something bad happened, everyone would know about it. I wonder if they ever found out who he was.

5) Example #1 of why you should just delete or never change your relationship status entirely

I don’t know what I like better, Shantilla’s cavalier-ness, her love of pizza and her burning desire to broadcast it, or the fact that this woman’s name is “Shantilla”.

6) Best Marriage/Wedding Advice (though poorly constructed) Ever

Yeah, that’s pretty much all I have to say about that.

7) Gender Analysis: Idiot Savant Style

This kind of reminds me of a joke my 7-year old nephew told me, just because of its totally un-self-aware brilliance:
Two guys were walking down the street, when one of them exclaimed “What’s that horrible stench?” The other guy answers “My butt”.
Demitri Martin, you’d better watch your back.

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