Generally before I make any decisions in life, I ask myself one important question: What Would Ryan Lochte Do? I’ve always wanted to be a world class idiot (and swimmer) with his own reality show, and everyone knows Lochte is so fast because he shaves his whole body. After all,

When I tell people who I used to be, they don’t believe me. And not just because I used to be black. It’s because I was withdrawn, lacking in all things self-esteem, clad in Matrix gear (complete with trenchcoat), and emphatically Christian. People who knew me then hardly recognize me

As 2024 winds down, we’re reflecting on another incredible year of sharing the stories, art, culture, and nightlife that make the Bay Area so unique. BrokeAssStuart.com wouldn’t be what it is without you—our community of readers, supporters, and believers in independent media. This year, instead of asking you to join Patreon

I can’t tell if I’m waking up or just going to sleep. My drunken stupor has muffled my senses, each coming in and out of focus in a kaleidoscope of sound and touch. I slowly begin to ascend the tiers of sobriety, and as I do, my senses return. There is sound.

Every once in awhile we present Broke-Ass Porn.  It’s visually stimulating material for the financially impaired.  If this shit doesn’t get you going, you’re not as broke as you thought: For many broke folks, especially those  living in apartments, the idea of having a washer and dryer in your home

I hate Valentine’s Day. Sure, I’m a hopeless romantic who usually spends every February 14th alone doing Jell-O shots in my chaise while eating bacon-fried bacon and masturbating to re-runs of Breaking Bad, but I retain the comfort of knowing Internet Girlfriend will never leave nor punch me in the face. The real reason

I’m not the first and certainly won’t be the last person to write about the importance of male penis size, but hey, dick talk be making it rain hella page views up in this server. Plus, in the wake of the recent size scandal at Subway, it seemed as good

Last week I was given a tour of the Kink.com (NSFW) studios, housed at the San Francisco Armory. If you’re not familiar with Kink, they’re an online porn production company specializing in BDSM and niche categories. I learn by doing, so you can imagine my disappointment when I found out that the tour wasn’t

You’re smart, sexy, and sophisticated. And cheap. Anyone would be thrilled to date you, which is why you don’t need to empty your pockets for someone else – in fact  leave those hands in those pockets because you’re going to take yourself out on a five-finger date. Whoever said that