I’m gonna put it right out there: Me and my guy, we know how to get down.
But it wasn’t always that way. There was a time when we hadn’t found our groove, when he lacked experience (he went directly from high school to the military and remained in the closet until he met me) and I had more experience that I cared to share.
Over the years though, we’ve talked, experimented, threw caution (and our underwear) to the wind (sometimes literally) in order to find that proverbial place where we can both be satisfied physically. Through all that, we’ve discovered that they key to sexual success is being open and honest about what you need and want – (although, there is a such thing as being too honest, as one of my past hookups would tell you. I made him to get off me in the middle of “it” because, frankly, his sex sucked. Instead of trying to better himself, he rolled over and started sobbing. I should’ve made amends, caressed him, restored his ego. Instead, I sent him packing into the night. I mean, really, who cries with an erection. Weird.)
The other trick is to push yourself out of your comfort zone to please your significant other. Once you get over the initial shock of “this is fucking strange,” you’ll learn to enjoy whatever dirty little secret he or she wants to share while your pants are down. Because, don’t kid yourself, you’re dying to be a freak in the sheets, too.
Being content post-coital – or whatever the hell the term is in my case – doesn’t have to cost anything, either. Some people think that stocking up on items from the local sex shop will zip the zap back into the relationship. Sure, that’s good for a night, but what about the long haul? No amount of edible panties or Turkish ticklers can keep the flame a flicker.
Thus, here are six ways (from my own experience and that of others brave enough to air their filthy, fun laundry)sure to spice up your sex life without costing you a cent.
1. Go Public
It’s a dangerous liaison, for sure. But the right place at the right time can be downright seductive. On a trip to Iceland last year, up to our necks in geothermal water at the Blue Lagoon, my guy and I got busy in steamy corner of the pool. Nobody could see us through the haze, and the seriously hot H2O killed whatever we spilled. No harm, no foul. It’s an experience that we’ll remember forever and will likely engage in again whenever we return.
2. Fight. Then Make Up.
There’s nothing more soothing than releasing that leftover aggression in a way that makes both parties feel better. In fact, sometimes the most miraculous things can happen when you fight and make up. Take blogger Jill Seiman, for example, who had this story to share with me: “It may sound cliche, but my husband and I had a huge fight a year and half ago over getting a puppy. I wanted one, he emphatically didn’t. The fight escalated to the point where I was crying and threatening divorce. He eventually relented and we made up. Something about the heated argument and all the emotions got us in the mood. The next day, we got our puppy, a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel named Mapuche and nine months later we got our blue-eyed baby boy.”
3. Dress. Undress.
Skimpy undies only go so far. Most of us wear them, and see our partners in them, on a regular basis. So, I ask, where’s the imagination? Tired of seeing my guy in the same old Hanes – or whatever it is he wears (that’s how desensitized I am to his underwear), I decided to kick it up a notch by asking him to put on a few items lying around the house. Like a hard hat and a tool belt and … nothing else. That night was so out-of-this-world incredible that we captured it on tape. Alas, you’ll never see it. Until I’m famous.
4. Play Director. Not Doctor.
The doctor is out. Seriously, who wants to play a sex game that reminds of being 10 years old? Creepy! You’re a grownup now and there are grownup ways to maneuver someone else’s body. Like with a camera in your hand. Both parties should definitely be down with the idea of filming those intimate moments, but if you’re both on board, buckle up for some fun. Anytime I’ve made a sex tape, it’s been a highlight. Not only is the making-of an aphrodisiac in itself, but the tape will provide years of naughtiness for your viewing and shared, naked pleasure.
5. Give ‘Em Easy Access
Sharon Gilchrest O’Neill, psychotherapist and author of A Short Guide to a Happy Marriage, suggests that one of the best ways to keep the blood flowing is to go to bed in the buff. “Sleeping naked is a much underrated necessity in marriage. It absolutely keeps you connected over the long haul,” she said. I agree. In fact, the only time I have clothes on under the covers is when I’m mad, an added bonus to usually sleeping in my birthday suit; it sends him a message that he needs to shape up before I put out. Works like a charm.
6. Two’s Company. Three Will Wow!
Nobody wants to admit when they’re in a loving relationship that they have threesomes. But the reality is that there’s a difference between sex and love. As a couple, you just have to identify it. If you’re the kind of pair who can bring in a third for recreational purposes and still go on with your happy, healthy life together, more power to you. However, this situation is not for everyone. Jealousy can be a real bitch. If you’re confident, though, that your love is worth more than a one-time trick, go for it. It will be one of the most exciting experiences you’ll ever have in the dark, and your partner will never be as hot as he or she was the night you watched them give it to someone else…and good. Which they’re going to do with or without you somewhere down the road. If you can beat ‘em, join ‘em, right?