Anna G’s Guide To Younger Men

As someone who’s recently passed the “mid twenties” mark into the “early late twenties”, I’ve been a bit more fixated on age.  Now I’m not sure if I just happen to be meeting a lot of younger men (I’m talking 22-25-ish) lately or what, but to paraphrase noted philosopher David Wooderson: I keep gettin’ older, but they just stay the same age.  I’m not entirely sure how this phenomenon continues to perpetuate itself in my life, but consequently, I’ve been growing into, as some would say, quite a bit of a “cougar”, if you will.  This term in and of itself is pretty played out and even offensive, as it implies that women over a certain age are forced to be predatory because they’re past their prime, etc. etc bullshit.  But lemme tell you something: whatever you want to call it, IT’S AWESOME.  And here’s why:

1. Amazingly hot bodies

Younger guys , about 90% of the time, have amazing bodies.  AMAZING.  Because what do they do?   They fucking work out all the time, and their metabolisms are at at their best.  Not to brag or anything, but I have actually, on more than 2 occasions, in the middle of sex just had to stop and admire what an amazing piece of human specimen certain younger men were.  I felt like Tony Soprano fucking Valentina, or basically, everyone he’s ever fucked on that show.  Or like Liz Lemon exclaiming to Jon Hamm that he looks like a cartoon pilot (because I  sort of actually have exclaimed a variation on that theme this one time).

2. You don’t ever have to take them seriously

You’re already mentally prepared for them to fail in the maturity department, so if they actually turn out to be mature (they won’t), then, it’ll be a nice surprise (I imagine).  Either way, though, you have NOTHING to lose.  If you’re the type who usually psychs yourself out of talking to guys (i.e. 75% of my female friends, even though they’re all very foxy ladies), this is a GREAT point to start jumping in to the world of flirtation and pick-ups.

3. They’re easy

What do males 20-25 years old want to do?  Have sex. Multiple times.  In a row.  No Viagara needed here, my friend.

4. You’re always the one with mystique

Simply because you’re older, you’ve got the upper hand.  Remember that they haven’t experienced your age yet, so by default, you have an air of mystery about you.  Maybe you can teach them a thing or two about a thing or two, if you know what I mean.  And I think that you do.

5. Their schedules are rarely complicated

Younger guys are either in grad school, are bartending, or have a standard 9-5, and rarely take business trips.  Essentially, this is booty call city: population You and Hottie McStudface.  Since you hold all the cards, you can make them fit in to YOUR schedule.  It’s like it would be foolish NOT to do it, really.