Kill a Tree Tonight, Plant One Tomorrow

Blood and Sunshine. Two things that go together, but shouldn't.

Sure, I spend a lot of time writing about food, my feelings and the dog from my favorite commercial ever, but buried deep in the recesses of my brain, there’s a bestseller brewing.  I can feel it.  A real page-turner about a sassy, twenty-something broke-ass who works in cafes all day and steals leftover untouched sandwich halves from hygienic-looking people after they’ve left.  It’s all part of my master plan to become famous and meet the cast of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and seduce them, collectively.  But that’s not gonna happen until this thing gets published (well, first written, but I’m skipping ahead), which is not gonna happen until I know how the hell to go about it.

This is where tonight at 7pm comes in.  Bazaar Cafe is hosting its FREE monthly “how-to” night, and in this installment you can find out everything you’ve ever wanted to know about how to get a book published.  Ted Weinstein, a real live literary agent, will be sharing tips and tricks of the publishing industry and answering very pressing questions, such as, “Shit, dude.  You want my bestseller or not?”  To ease the sting of the inevitable pitying and/or disgusted look that will follow, down a cheap pint and a $5 pesto melt (it’s really good) in the outdoor garden area and brood.

According to some extremely questionable statistics I found on the Internet, one tree = 1,000 books.  This means that 1,000 copies of my novel could be made from the tree that San Francisco-based band Blood and Sunshine will be planting on the back patio of Thee Parkside on Thursday, where they’ll later be celebrating their EP release show.  This tree is one of many the band will get their hands dirty with on their upcoming tour:  For every 200 miles they travel, they’ve pledged to plant a tree in an attempt to counteract the not-so-great byproducts that result from touring, like those pesky CO2 emissions.  Of course, while I’m the type to tie back my hair, slap on some flannel and chop down a million trees myself if it means my book will get published, I totally appreciate the sentiment.  Mostly because their music is bad-ass and I hear they wear face paint when performing.

Check out the merch table at the show, where you can see the genus and species of each tree the band has planted thus far (so you know this caring-about-the-environment business isn’t just a gimmick to make you like them enough to buy their new EP) and then enjoy the self-proclaimed “electro, shoegaze, gospel revival!” of Blood and Sunshine.  (Just out of curiosity, can anyone tell me when the original heyday of electro/shoegaze/gospel was?  Definitely missed that one.)