How to Have a Broke-Ass Autumn
In case some jerk in your office didn’t take a moment to point it out, this Wednesday marked the beginning of Autumn with that magical time when the Earth is tilted at just the perfect angle to make all the leaves turn orange and create blooming pumpkin patches throughout the countryside. Autumn, AKA: “Fall”, is one of my top 3 seasons of the year (sorry, Winter, you should just stay up there in the mountains) because most of the things we associate with the season are ridiculously good deals when you think about it. Let’s break it down by category:
Sweater Weather: The warm-ish days and crisp afternoons in the Fall mean you can walk around without getting all sweaty like in the Summer, but there’s also no need to bulk up with a million jackets and scarves that you end up leaving at the bar anyway. Think about how much cheaper your entire wardrobe would be if you only ever needed one hoodie as your outer layer.
Home Living: Sweater weather also means you’re saving the money that’s not being spent trying to cool off your boiler room of an apartment. Of course no one in San Francisco has AC anyway, but those of you on the East Coast can probably appreciate airing out your flat and cooling off with only the Autumn breeze. Use this opportunity to get acclimated to wearing sweaters around the house instead of just your boxer shorts, so when Winter finally hits you won’t mind bundling up and saving a bit on that heating bill.
Outdoor Activities: Unlike Winter when the thought of doing something outside either means driving to the mountains and dropping $75 to freeze your ass off on a ski lift or buying a ticket to the Southern Hemisphere, the predominant outdoor activities of Autumn mostly consist of going outside and looking at dying plants – an activity which is still free or dirt cheap at most National Parks.
Sports: Football is great, obviously, but getting tickets to a home game can be an expensive endeavor. Instead, just tag along to the tailgate – bring a case of beer (which you’d be drinking anyway) and people will be more inclined to get loose with the hamburgers and hot dogs. This works best if you troll the parking lot of a College game and can reasonably pass as a young alumni, but bonding over last week’s Niners loss with diehard fans who don’t want to bring all their bratwurst back to Santa Clara works well too.
Beer Drinking: Sure, a cold cerveza is refreshing in the summer, but beer just tastes better in the Fall when every respectable brewery is cranking out a season ale that would embarrass a Tecate’s shamefully low alcohol content. You can also take advantage of this by scouring your grocer’s beer aisle for summer ales sold on clearance (I’m looking at you, Sam Adams). And of course, we can’t forget Oktoberfest – that great excuse to take advantage of German hospitality and drink way too much beer in late September/early October. Not that we Americans really care when Oktoberfest actually is, we’re just in it for the beer.)
Holidays: Speaking of archaic holidays as an excuse to indulge in some free food, there is no better time to stock up on goods to indulge your sweet tooth than October. Even if you don’t Trick or Treat in your old age, I guarantee you’ll be making multiple daily passes at the bowl of fun size snickers and mini-reese’s cups at the receptionist’s desk. And of course, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention Thanksgiving, when it becomes perfectly acceptable to ask all your friends to bring food over to your house. If you can handle a chicken dinner, a turkey is just a minor step up and you’ll be left with enough food to last you at least until the middle of December.