Shopping, Style and Beauty

Broke-Ass Buyer Beware: As Seen on TV

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I would consider myself to be a discerning consumer on most accounts.  I shop around for the best deals, wait for sale season and generally exercise restraint from impulse purchases.  That said, I must confess my weakness.  As. Seen. On. T. V.

From an early age I was a sucker for infomercials, watching for hours on Sunday afternoons when nothing else was on (or that was my excuse at least).  I loved all the over-the-top fakery and could watch Ron Popeil cut a penny in half thousands of times and never get bored.  My all-time-favorite was the Magic Bullet infomercial (it’s a blender, not a personal vibration devise you sick-o) which really went over the top in it’s absurdity/awesomeness.

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In watching these silly, but mostly entertaining extended commercials,  I always had a sense that I was to never actually purchase anything I 'œsaw on TV' as they were surely a scheme, and you should never buy something you can’t see in person first ( days obv).  My world changed when stores began featuring these elusive 'œas seen on TV' items outside of the TV.  Sure, some of the stuff was just as dumb in real-life, but I slowly began to trust the 'œas seen on TV' moniker to mean 'œawesome stuff that came to life from TV Land for you to buy right now.'

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I have mostly been satisfied with my ASOTV purchases, until last weekend when my world came crashing down.  During a stressful trip to Walgreens, I took solace in the purchase of the one, the only, Total Pillow.  Having been in the market for a new travel neck pillow, this miracle item seemed to fit all my needs, as the pictures on the boxed promised.

As soon as I carefully extracted it from its packaging, in case I needed to return it (a lasting effect of my ASOTV skeptisism), it became immediately apparent that I had been gypped.  Hard.  The pillow is tiny, and when folded in half, could barely fit around a baby’s neck.  Having an average-sized adult neck, this will not do.  It would also never fit on any suitcase handle of mine, or anyone else’s for that matter.  LIES!!!

I am heartbroken, to say the least.  Will I ever buy an ASOTV item again?  Only time will tell.  Luckily, I was able to gingerly re-package my Total Pillow From Hell and saved the receipt.  Walgreens, here I come!

Photos from:,,

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Alison Lambert - Half Price Headliner

Alison Lambert - Half Price Headliner

Ali was born and raised in the Wholesome/Creepy capital of the world, Salt Lake City, UT. Once she was old enough to blow that pop stand she escaped to the place that was the anti-SLC: The Peoples Gay-public of Drugifornia aka San Francisco (holla 30 Rock!). You can now find her throughout this glorious city slurping Pho and scheming with her best friend Pinky doing what they do every night; try and take over the world.

1 Comment

  1. November 16, 2010 at 3:32 pm

    This is hilarious. I can’t stand infomercials but I really like your breakdown of them. Good work.