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Boredom: It’s A Good Thing

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Have you ever been so bored out of your mind that you’ve found yourself masturbating just to pass the time? Sadly, you weren’t even horny; you just had nothing else to do. At least, that’s what you thought. Realistically, there were tons of things to do, e.g., doing the laundry, cleaning up the apartment or building a time machine that produces a strawberry/banana flavor inside your mouth.

No matter the circumstance, when boredom hits, it hits hard. Personally I find these situations to be quite dangerous, because these are the moments in which I find myself getting into some seriously mischievous activity. I’m usually resting idly at a nearby sitting area like my chair, and I realize, “holy shit, I’m bored.” Once this divinatory revelation is uncovered, I peak my head up like a deer hiding behind a bush, looking for my next destination of bizarre adventures.

Going to the bar always makes for a nice game of “What the Fuck Happened Last Night?” But I’ve had enough of those for a while. Besides, I tend to save those nights for the weekend. No, I follow my gut, which can sometimes lead to the police getting involved and a few hamsters causing mayhem in McDonalds. Don’t ask.

At other moments I’ll take advantage of the time and I’ll take something to task that I’ve been putting off for some time, like killing that mouse that’s been running around the apartment for a month. Disgusting, I know, but I like to think of it as something I like to call inner-city hunting. It’s a new sport—which I’ve discovered myself—and its use of guns or lack thereof, evens out the playing field for all contestants. I usually waste about a good four hours doing this, and once I catch my prey, I take a picture of the trophy and move on with my pathetic life.

I’m a little weird, I understand that, but when I get bored I like to take advantage of the opportunity to see where the wind takes me. That’s exactly what boredom is to me, an opportunity. It’s a chance to do something for the first time, something you’ve never done before. When you’re bored, the world is yours. So the next time you find yourself in this jaded position, embrace it and make an impulsive decision. Let that nagging and persistent voice that has been screaming at you to do something unusual takeover.

Trust me, if you don’t push your boundaries into these ill-conceived positions all you’ll ever be in life is a safe square. And we all know that a safe keeps all the good stuff bottled up inside, so open up, thrust yourself outwards and take on a new abstract shape. You owe it to yourself to be unique.

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Enrique Grijalva - Mr. Minimum Wage

Enrique Grijalva - Mr. Minimum Wage

My father came, my mother saw...and I conquered. I encourage children to do drugs, I buy alcohol for teenagers, and I drink beer with the homeless. In my spare time, I attend art galleries for the FREE booze while rubbing elbows with modish elephants. I also hammer six-inch nails into small penises. Stuart knighted me as Broke-Ass King of New York. You've been warned.