Surviving A Break Up
Hi! How you doin? Rough week, huh? I totally get it. This too shall pass, even if you feel like it won’t. People do this every day. Let’s help each other out, and get through this together.
First and foremost, take a deep breath and drink water as often as you can think of. Eat or don’t eat, that part is up to you. I’m taking comfort in not eating right now, for example, because the thought of eating makes me want to puke.
Pack your shit if you haven’t already. Not all of it, but enough to get you through a couple of weeks without seeing your ex. I think this is therapeutic, unless you want to keep the place you guys have, because you may leave with a bit more dignity than you were planning on. You can keep the pet, or not – that’s between the two of you, as long as the pet stays with one of you. I’m not keeping the dog. Not because I don’t love him (Christ, do I), but because it’s just too painful, and because my ex is willing to keep him. Maybe I’ll take him part-time, some day. I don’t know. It’s ok if you don’t know, either. You’ll get through this faster if you aren’t feeling overwhelmed.
(JK. I am not going to take up smoking again, ever.)
Text/call your friends and find a place to crash. You probably did that first thing, but if you haven’t, do it. There is no lingering in this moment, pal. Don’t allow yourself the indulgence of asking them back, asking them why, screaming at them more, or checking back to see if this is permanent. There is no point, and even though it may feel like the least real thing ever, you’re both going to be better off. I promise.
Now is the time to hoard your friends.
The truth probably is, is that there was something rotten deep down. Even if you couldn’t identify it, or see it at all, there was probably something gangrene that needed to be cut off before infecting everything else. Please don’t ask yourself too much if this was about you, or if you could have fixed this, had you known earlier. There is no point in beating yourself up, unless you made a huge unforgivable mistake and in that case, don’t make that mistake with someone again. Learn from everything and all of it, because that’s what’s going to make this feeling in your stomach worth it.
Go to yoga. Go on a run. Drink water again. Drink some wine – not too much though. Please don’t do the whole “Fuck this world, I’m getting wasted and sleeping with someone and they’ll be sorry!!!!” kind of thing because haven’t we grown out of that by now? You don’t want to feel hungover a ton. That’s not going to help anything. Maybe you need to get drunk though. And if you do, that’s ok, just try not to let the bottle swallow you. You’re alright. We’re all gonna be alright. It’s ok if you make some mistakes right now, you’re on shaky ground. But the less you allow yourself an escape from reality, the faster you’ll get through this moment.
As Richard Burton said to Elizabeth Taylor, “Never forget your strange virtues.” Don’t ask why. You’re fucking awesome. You’re not going to find a reason that doesn’t hurt, no matter how many times you run it through your mind. A really terrific ex told me once (before we broke up), “There is no such thing as the way things should be. Just the way things are.” The only thing you need to worry about now is yourself and getting back up again. And you will. I promise. And also, you are free to negate this entire post and do whatever you feel like doing, all the time. (One of the rad things about being single!) Good luck out there, friend, and I bet you that your people and the world at large are really happy to have you back. You’re great-looking, really funny, and DAAAAAAMN do those pants make your booty look bangin’. <3