Your Startup Sucks: Ridiculous Shit We Found on Product Hunt
There’s no question apps and websites are changing the world, disrupting shit left and right. Uber and Lyft have made the exciting career of “taxi driver” available to ambitious young people who never dreamed it was possible. Facebook has allowed us to project pure unadulterated hate at more people than ever before. Twitter … well, you know.
These have been documented. Studied even. What’s next — the next big app that’s going to disrupt your shit?
Date to Door
Question: What do you do if you’ve got a girlfriend, but you’re too clueless, busy, disconnected — or all three — to actually plan a decent date you both would enjoy?
Turn to the all-powerful Internet of course, which will deliver a date to your door. A date is an experience you might say. How the hell could you order one online? Fear not, this is 2015 and anything can be ordered online.
It’s a date in a box. One: cut a hole in the box. Two: put your date in that bo-ox! Three: Have her open the box… !
So you order the box and it shows up. What’s inside? Well, the site is sketchy on details, so we’ll let’s try to interpret their vague picture:
1. A notebook — with a bird on it! — to um, write down your amazing date?
2. Some chap stick, ‘cause chapped lips ain’t no good for smoochin’ time.
3. A deck of playing cards — gin rummy anyone?
4. A water bottle. All this notebook-writing and card-playing is going to make you guys pretty thirsty, no doubt.
5. A mysterious paper folded up and tied with string. Is it a treasure map? The bill? I God! — the suspense is killing me!
The FAQ helpfully gives some details: “These dates may take some people out of their comfort zone, so we are asking you to approach these dates with an open mind.”
No fear, though: if you don’t like the date, you can definitely NOT get a refund.
Kapture Audio
If there are two things Americans love: they are wearables and all encompassing, inescapable surveillance. Kapture combines the two, allowing you to record all the audio around you 24/7.
I think can think of many great uses for this:
1.
Wait, actually, I can’t.
I mean, I’m no stranger to recording audio. Smartphones usually have the feature, which is great for interviews, language-learning, and recording those epiphanies you have when you’re super baked.
But recording the people around you – potentially at any time? This is documenting gone mad!
It actually doesn’t record audio all around you at all times. That could … potentially … for a very small subset of people … possibly … be marginally useful.
No, this device will record the last 30 seconds of audio, once you hit the button. So you’ve got to somehow project your mind 30 seconds into the future and past at all times.
Whoa, I can’t believe John got lost in the woods during a blizzard. This story is epic. God. OK, should I hit it now? Wait! He just saw a bear? Fuck! OK, those last 30 seconds are it, so, I guess I should have hit it like 5 seconds ago. Hold up, a helicopter is coming to rescue him from the bear? Damn… if only there were a way to record this story in my mind… like say, memory!
Airpnp
This app straddles the border between ridiculous and ridiculously amazing. The idea is simple. You charge someone a couple bucks for the right to use your bathroom.
You: making extra money on underutilized bathroom resources.
Them: achieving comfort — which is priceless, really — for a small fee.
AirPnP (no connection to AirBnB mind you) brings up some interesting questions:
Is the fee the same for a quick pee or a huge dump? In case of the latter, is reading material included or extra? Does clogging the toilet incur extra fees or is there insurance to cover that?
Are there reviews? “Had to flush twice, 3 stars.” “Great dumper! Would host again A+++”
And then, the ultimate question. If you’ve AirPnP’d a bathroom, thereby laying claim to it for a short period of time, can you then turn around and AirBnB it, perhaps providing a traveler with a cozy spot in a bathtub, more than recouping your investment?
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