Ridiculous New Words that Apply to Your Ridiculous Dating Life
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Dating is hard, especially without the proper terms for describing your sometimes amazing, sometimes terrible experiences. The following terms will help you communicate all that you’ve been through and may even help you better understand it yourself.
Granny Panty Bed:
Purposefully not washing your sheets or leaving your bed in an unholy mess so that you won’t be tempted to bring someone home with you. Sometime’s backfires when you just go to their place instead or get drunk and/or horny enough that you don’t care what your apartment looks like.
Practice Dating (discussed in depth here):
A somewhat controversial practice often engaged in by people who feel like they’re losing (or never had) their dating edge. Often involves going out on a date with someone who is visiting from out of town or is in some other way not desirable for a LTR. Similar to practice interviews, this technique is used to reduce nervousness and increases awesomeness for dates that actually matter. Not disclosing this to the person you happen to be practicing on is what makes this practice controversial.
TADD is an acronym for “Tinder Attention Deficit Disorder.” You know you have this condition if you are trolling for new Tinder dates while your current Tinder date is in the bathroom or went to go get another round of drinks. “What is wrong with me?! He was totally cute but I still found myself TADD-poling the minute he looked away.”
A sexy version of delayed gratification which entails trying to go on more dates before having sex with someone. Often becomes a priority after a string of unsatisfying one night stands.
Klitgaard (attributed to Bay Area comedian Alison Mick):
The female equivalent of a male cock block. An example according to urban dictionary, “Met these girls at the bar last night, when I tried to take the hottest one home her friends pulled the old Klitgaard move. Bitches…” Can also be a slang term for a female chastity belt.
Tiny talk is even worse then the dreaded small talk, because it makes you feel tiny and maybe even a little hopeless. This feeling can be compounded on a longer date with no easy out. Tiny talk includes awkward small talk that goes no where, long pauses and that regrettable moment before you start blurting out anything just to fill the void. “I knew this date was doomed when the tiny talk started and we hadn’t even gotten our salads.”
In the (Dating) Zone:
That magical moment when your dating skills and the dating challenge you have undertaken are perfectly matched and you feel “in the zone.” This is much more likely to happen when you’re in a good mood and on an active date with a fun person. When you’re “in the zone” time flies by, you feel amazing and you never want the date to end. “OMG! Last night with Trevor was amazing. We tied our legs together and did the entire date 3-legged race style. I think I’m I love.”
The Waiting Room:
An unpleasant and anxiety filled place that a person enters after sending a risky or over-reaching message to someone they really like. Often preceded by a sinking feeling. “Ugh, I was so sick of being in the waiting room that I deleted all our messages and her number. Now at least I won’t send another stupid message.”
A person who initially comes off as charming, but then begins to display tendencies of narcissism and psychopathy, including extreme self-centeredness, self importance and the inability to stop posting about themselves on social media. “Kelsey is the hottest chick I’ve ever dated but it turns out she’s a total nars-a-psycho. All she talks about is herself and what I can do for her.” Not related to narwhals in any way who are notoriously sweet and considerate.
What are your favorite dating terms? Please share them in the comments below – especially if you’re currently on a bad date.