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Why Is Mike Bloomberg Texting Me and How the F#@! Did He Get My Number? An Analysis

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Billionaire presidential candidate and terrible debater Mike Bloomberg has been hitting the spam text messaging pretty hard lately, and you may have received some hapless fool’s text messages asking “Will you support Mike?” Your first reaction was probably “Fuck no!,” and your second reaction was probably “How the fuck did Michael Fucking Bloomberg get my fucking phone number?”

Text message spam has become a common strategy for political campaigns and the campaigns often claim they got the information from publicly available voter roll information. That’s bullshit, no they didn’t! I personally make sure my listed voter roll number is an outdated landline number from back in 2003, and I still get political spam texts on my current smartphone number. But the Mike Bloomberg campaign is wasting zillions on shady new strategies to spam as many voters as possible.

Wired reports that Bloomberg’s campaign is using an app called OutVote, which according to TechCrunch, uploads all of a user’s contacts to a database so those contacts can forever be bothered by the fuckery of political spam texts. But why would anyone hand over all their contacts to the Mike Bloomberg campaign? Because the Mike Bloomberg campaign is paying them a shit-ton of money!  

 

If this seems like an astonishingly stupid waste of money, it is. A 2018 Tech for campaigns report found that “People who were texted were 1% more likely to turn out to vote.”

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Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura is a two-bit marketing writer who excels at the homoerotic double-entendre. He is training to run a full marathon completely drunk and high, and his work has appeared in the New York Times and Wall Street Journal on days when their editors made particularly curious decisions.

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