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Updated: Jan 22, 2021 14:58
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The Bay Area is a big place with a lot of cities, and every city in the Bay can be a little different.  But one thing that is synonymous with the Bay Area experience, is BART.  The Bay Area Rapid Transit, with its loud trains, lateness, general sketchiness and insanity is a rite of passage for anyone who has lived in the 9 counties that hug the shoreline of San Francisco Bay. But not every BART station is built the same. If someone gets on a train in Pittsburg, is the experience the same as someone who gets on the train in San Jose? The answer is a resounding ‘fuck no’, and that’s why I made this list. What your BART station says about YOU.

EAST BAY (925) 


If Orinda BART is your station, I have good news and bad news for you. Good news is you’re rich, bad news is you’re never, ever going to be Marin County rich no matter how hard you try. You got a ton of Nimbys, but you still have a BART station and poor people can get to your city without having to cross a bridge. You’re old money, but you’re still East Bay. Orinda is just El Sobrante with a PhD. Think about it. 



If Lafayette BART is your station you’re probably insecure with the fact that you’re rich. No one from Lafayette says they’re from Lafayette, they always say shit like “I live next to Oakland,” or “I usually hang out in Berkeley.” when you actually kick it in Walnut Creek because Berkeley and Oakland’s rich people shit is just as expensive without smelling like piss or being reminded poor people exist. Just say you’re from Lafayette. It could be worse, you could be from Moraga and then you wouldn’t even have a BART station. 

Walnut Creek:

If Walnut Creek BART is your station you probably never take BART because you’re scared. You’ve probably called the police more times than you’ve scanned a clipper card and at one point you lived in Oakland (next to the fucking lake) which you brag about constantly (calm down, Thugnificient) but after having kids you moved to Walnut Creek for the school district. Cool. 


Pleasant Hill/Contra Costa Centre: 

If Pleasant Hill BART is your station, your station is full of shit. The Pleasant Hill Station is in fucking Walnut Creek. Why the fuck does Walnut Creek get two stations? Why the fuck does Walnut Creek exist? I was born in Walnut Creek and I even fucking hate it. Also there’s barely any hills in Pleasant Hill. The fuck is up with that?


If Concord BART is your station you probably have a chip on your shoulder because everyone kinda knows Concord exists, but no one really give a fuck. You have good Mexican food and no one wants to give you credit for that. You also have a bit of an identity crisis because rich people think you’re hood and hood people think you’re rich. It must feel weird to be rejected by both Walnut Creek and Antioch, but here you fucking are. 


North Concord/Martinez: 

If North Concord/Martinez BART is your station you probably don’t exist because this station is dry as fuck. You’re next to the Concord Naval weapons station which for some fucking reason your annoying friend will point out of the window whenever they drive by it and be like “they stored nukes there.” No one fucking cares. Also, this station is even more full of shit than the Pleasant Hill one because Martinez is like five fucking miles away, they’re just too high on meth and refinery fumes to notice. Also RIP ULLA LACEY. Real Downtown shit. If you know, you know. 

Pittsburg/Bay Point:

If Pittsburg/Bay Point is your station you’re happy as fuck that the word Bay is the sign because you’re butthurt since your cousin from Oakland makes fun of you and says Pittsburg isn’t the Bay Area. It is, but it’s also Pittsburg. Like, fuck. Also can you stop trying to sell shit you stole out of the Safeway parking lot next to the ticket machine? Thanks. 

Pittsburg Center and Antioch: 

Who the fuck are you? These aren’t even a BART stations. They’re trams. This is the most low effort shit I’ve seen in my life. If God exists, he (or they, them, she,) fucking hates Antioch. 

West Dublin/Pleasanton:

If West Dublin/Pleasanton is your station… I don’t fucking know. Who gives a fuck?



If Dublin/Pleasanton is your station. Congrats you have BART and a mall that’s actually nice or something like that, I think? Who fuck goes to Dublin unless they committed a crime in Oakland? This is the Santa Rita BART station.



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Abraham Woodliff - Bay Area Memelord

Abraham Woodliff - Bay Area Memelord

Abraham Woodliff is a San Francisco-based writer, editor and digital content creator known for Bay Area Memes, a local meme page that has amassed nearly 200k followers. His work has appeared in SFGATE, The Bold Italic and of course, His book of short stories, personal essays and poetry entitled Don't Drown on Dry Ground will be available early 2022.

1 Comment

  1. Campo Cougar
    July 8, 2021 at 11:27 pm

    This is AWESOME and all 100% valid. Orinda, Concord, WC, P-Hill and Lafayette have all been my BART station at one time or another. Thanks for the gratuitous profanity, pithy insights and legit laughs.