Satire/Humor/Comedy

Vaccine Clinics in Florida Now Disguised as Gun Stores

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Miami-Dade County FL – The State of Florida has had a hard time getting it’s population vaccinated in 2021.  Especially when it comes to its white conservative males, who are by far the demographic most likely to say they have no plans to take the vaccine.

People think they’re waiting in line for a great gun sale. But they’re actually being tricked into helping society.

State officials now have a different tactic to get Florida men vaccinated, the name of the campaign is called ‘Operation Vaccine Honey Trap”.   A series of vaccine clinics were disguised to look like gun stores, or in some cases, gun stores were simply outfitted with vaccination stations, in order lure in men and get them inoculated.

“We used a similar tactic when we had to neuter thousands of crocodiles in the wild,” said vaccine worker, and animal control specialist Jim Breastly, “It’s essentially a catch and release program for white conservative males this time.  They think they’re coming in to get a cheap gun, but what they are really getting first is a vaccination shot from our team.”

When Jim isn’t working at the vaccination clinic he’s rounding up possums for the community.

The state hired one of the leading virologist in Florida and gave her a team of crocodile hunters and wild animal experts to help administer the plan.

“For some reason the guys who love gun stores tend to be the same guys who are afraid of science, so it just made sense,” said Chief virologist Nadine Tigre, “We kind of give them their medicine like we would a dog or a cat, by hiding it in their peanut butter.”  Dr. Tigre continued,  “The plan has been a great success, we’ve only had to use a muzzle a handful of times and we’ve vaccinated thousands of Republicans this month, and several Qanon supporters.”

A March 2021 poll, the NPR/PBS/Marist survey, found that 49% of Republican men said they do not plan to get vaccinated — a higher share of refusers than any other demographic group. Only 6 % of Democratic men said they would not get the vaccine.    And that statistic is the only part of the article that is not an April Fools joke.

April Fools!


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Alex Mak - Managing Editor

Alex Mak - Managing Editor

I'm the managing editor here at Broke-Ass Stuart. I enjoy covering Bay Area News as well as writing about Arts, Culture & Nightlife (not so much nightlife anymore).

If you're a writer, artist, or performer who would like to get your work out there, or if you've got a great product or service to promote, we've got 120k social followers and really fun ways to reach them. We make noise for our partners, and for our community. alex at brokeassstuart.com

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