This Is What Your Food Delivery Person Wants You to Know

Whether you use Uber Eats, Seamless, DoorDash, or the Pony Express, food delivery apps are as common as a cold. Every time you log in to your app of choice for some Pad Thai or a burrito, that means someone will soon be knocking on your door to satiate your food cravings. Well, the person who brings you your food wants you to know a few things.

Where the F*** are you?

Make sure they can find you. Driver after driver complains they can’t see house numbers because they are either painted the same color as the house itself or there are simply no lights on. These delivery people aren’t superheroes or telepathic, so help them out. If your house is swathed in darkness, how do you expect them to know where to go? Turn on the lights. If you live in an apartment building make sure you put your apartment number on the order. They can’t just stand on the street screaming your name like they’re Marlon Brando in “A Streetcar Named Desire.”

Answer!

If your phone rings, pick it up. Nobody wants to answer a phone call from an unfamiliar number, but if your pizza is ten minutes late and your phone rings, there’s a good chance it’s your delivery driver calling to ask you a question. Pick it up. The best case scenario is your delivery driver wants to confirm your address and your pepperoni and onion pizza will be in your eager hands very shortly. The worst case is that you’ll hear a pre-recorded message from a woman speaking a different language asking about your car warranty.

Be realistic

Your food won’t be hot. Delivery people do their best. They can break the speed limit, run red lights and have your food inside an insulated bag, but your home is still far, far away from the kitchen of the restaurant. It’s not like that plate of pasta has to travel from one side of the restaurant to the other, it’s going across town. No matter what happens, the food is not going to be the same as if you were sitting at Table 12. Accept it.

Tipping Matters

The restaurant might keep a list of customers who don’t tip. Some of the apps have random drivers assigned to deliver your food, but some of the delivery people actually work at the restaurant you order from. If that’s the case and you don’t tip, you can be certain there’s a list taped next to the phone so they know who you are the next time you place an order. It’s not that they will necessarily refuse delivery to you, but they might not make it a priority and take their time getting it to you.

The Weather

Tip extra when the weather is extra. If the wind is howling like a werewolf and the rain or snow is falling from the sky like it’s the second coming, it’s very tempting to order food and have it delivered to your home. Honestly, who wants to go out in those conditions? Nobody, that’s who, but your delivery person is going to do it because it’s their job, so make it worth their while. And if you live in a house, make sure you shovel the snow form your sidewalk before you expect anyone to come your door. Someone shouldn’t have to wear snowshoes or cross-country skis to bring you a bucket of chicken wings.

The Delivery Fee is Not a fucking tip

The delivery fee is not a tip. Ordering food to be delivered is a luxury and it doesn’t come cheap. Most of those apps apps are going to have a service fee attached to each order, but you should know that fee doesn’t go to the restaurant or the delivery person, it goes to the app itself. Don’t assume the additional two dollars on your receipt is going into the pocket of the delivery person. Tip accordingly.