Worst Makeup for Making Out

dinsmoor. ponyandpink

D’ya ever notice the irony of sometimes when you paint yourself all up to go on a date that once you actually start “getting on with it”, so to speak, that it just winds up smearing all over your face and then you look in the mirror and you’ve morphed into some Black Swan/Mrs. Havisham hybrid nightmare?  Or maybe it’s just rubbed off on your date’s shirt, and now you have to like, get the stain out immediately, or like, offer to pay for it?

Here are some tips on which sorts of makeup you should maybe think twice about painting on your face when you know you’re gonna be doin’ it:

orange3_ua models

1) Bronzer and any sort of fake tanner

I mean, no-doye, I know that I’m not exactly talking to the Jersey Shore crew over here, but like, sometimes…..I wear a  little bronzer if I’m feeling a bit washed out. I just wear it like blush, relax. But, like, have you ever been to anyone’s house that wears self-tanner? I remember in college (this was Southern California, mind you) I went over to my friend’s house on the beach, which was occupied by about four or five girls. Literally every single towel, including hand towels were smeared with orange shit. And that is basically your life, if you’ve chosen that sort of lifestyle. That’s what I always think about when I’m trying to talk myself out of it, even if I look like death. Better to look dead than orange and smeary, I say. Even brush-on bronzer can be a dangerzone, depending on how much you apply.

2) Blush

You know those awesome little Tarte blushes that are like on a stick? I actually don’t use liquid or non-powder blush that much because I’m afraid it will clog my pores, but this tends to be a better bet that it won’t rub off on someone else because it has a chance to really absorb into your skin. Just don’t go crazy with it.

Actress Mary-Kate Olsen attends the launch of the Matthew Williamson for H&M collection aboard The Majesty on April 28, 2009 in New York City.

I just don't like her duck lips, so that's why this is here.

3) Lip stuff

Gloss is a notorious offender for not only getting all over shit, but also making hair and gross shit stick to your mouth. Stains that, again, get a chance to absorb on your mouth are less likely to come off as much. I know sometimes bright, red glossy lipstick is a must, but you know what is sometimes a good halfway point? Putting on and taking off layers of your fave SUPER bright color of lipstick until you’ve created a stain-like EFFECT, and then once you’ve achieved an acceptable level of color, putting on a layer of lip balm.

taylor+momsen barry m

4) Eyeliner

This is one of those situations where you just sort of can’t win, and you have to pick between the lesser of two evils….unless you JUSt go with a mascara and no eyeliner. But if you MUST have eyeliner,  either you get a eye pencil with a soft tip that comes off every time your eye comes within an inch of anything, or you go for the scary-to-apply liquid eyeliner, which, if it gets messed up in ANY WAY will make you look like Grey Gardens is having a rave.

JanCrouchtv gasm

All in all, it does tend to be the AMOUNT you put on your face that matters in making you look crazy and for inadvertently staining others. Remember that translucent powder is your friend and that crying off your eye makeup makes you look crazy, because that IS crazy….I mean,under normal circumstances. Also, after “the deed” is done, who even cares how you look anyway?

Photos courtesy of: Pony and Pink, UA Models, Harmony Central Forums, RealBeauty, and Barry M.

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About the author

Anna G - Caliburg Contributor

Anna G. is a Southern California native living in the Williamsburg area of Brooklyn since 2005. Anna is constantly trying to unite her love of CA sunshine and the excitement of the New York urban jungle, all the while trying to keep her unwieldy credit card debt under control, and look fabulous at brunch, no matter how un-showered and hungover.