Broke-Ass of the Week – Kevin Montgomery of Mission Mission
Every week we feature a different person from the community shedding a little light on their life of brokeitude. Who knows, maybe you’ll learn something about the human spirit'probably not.
Wanna be a Broke-Ass of the Week? Holler at us here and we’ll send you the questionnaire.
I first became aware of Kevin a few months back when Allan fled the country because of legal troubles (ok actually I think he went on vacation), and Mr. Montgomery here was left in charge of Mission Mission. Ever since then he’s been a regular contributor over at San Francisco’s Best Neighborhood blog.
What’s funny is that he turned his answers into me a few months back, and yet with references to US health care and Kanye West, it seem like he wrote them yesterday. So now I’m pretty convinced that Kevin is a psychic. Either that or our health care system has been fucked forever and Kanye has always been an asshole. I’m going with psychic.
Name: Kevin Montgomery
Age: 25
Occupation: I supposedly do web-design and some programming, but I find myself blogging and writing more-and-more. It’s the pits.
What neighborhood do you live in?: My mailing address says 94110 but my driver’s license says 01012. I’ve noticed this makes the police very confused when I get pulled over for having a car that barely functions.
Best money saving tip: Buy a Saab instead of a Porsche. Besides, they get better gas milage and we all know how good that makes you look.
What do you refuse to spend money on?: My roommate’s food and my neighbor’s wireless (thanks “jane”!).
Most expensive thing you’ve ever bought: Three years and a piece of paper from Brandeis University. That shit set me back a solid $70k. I swear, they should have a common-sense test that you have to pass before they allow you to go to college.
How’d that feel?: Horrible. My mother guilt-tripped me into going to graduation: “we didn’t send you to college to not see you graduate!” “But you didn’t send me to college…” “Well, I co-signed all those goddamn loans and your grandmother bought you a laptop after you went a semester without a functioning computer, so shut up and go.”
My family took me out for brunch afterwards though. I love free food.
Favorite cheap eat: Bender’s. It’s like Weird Fish, just without all the people that read the New York Time’s travel section and with beer that you actually want to drink.
Favorite dive bar: Bender’s if I’m in SF, People’s Republik if I’m back in Boston, and Pop’s if it is Sunday. Seriously, Pop’s on Sunday is the best. Have you ever brought St. Francis milkshakes into a bar before, had it “made happy” by a bartender and then proceeded to watch “Babe” on VHS? It’s amazing.
Best deal you’ve ever gotten: In September of 2007, I went to fine state of Baja California Sur, Mexico with some coworkers of mine. Not Cabo, but some dusty one-road surfer town called “La Ventana.” Anyways, after two days of being there and a day before Hurricane Henriette made landfall (who the hell goes to Mexico during a tropical storm warning anyways?), I somehow managed to get dysentery and, after puking 15 times in a morning, it was deemed to be a good idea to locate a doctor. Of course, the “doctor” is not a doctor but a 23-year-old med. student spending a semester doing state-mandated rural volunteer work. The clinic is merely a cement shack that acts as a hospital, pharmacy, and temporary residence for the town doctor. When I am introduced to the doctor-in-training, he is playing FIFA Soccer on the Playstation 2 in the clinic’s entryway while sucking down a cigarette in spite of the “No Fumar” signs all over the place. After 15-minutes of a broken English/Spanish conversation, I get a series of 3 IVs stuck into my arm, a bunch of shots (I still have no idea, to this day, that they were), and a 5-hour nap in a hospital bed. When it was all said and done, I walked out of the clinic with all the previously mentioned service and a week’s worth of prescriptions (which I could not identify but I assume were antibiotics) for less than $20 USD. I was able to get the bill down a little by giving the doctor two packs of Marlboros off-the-record. Bonus points: most of the trip was paid for by work.
Oh yeah, once I found a $2,500 Trek Project One road-bike frame while dumpster diving. I got 2 years out of that frame until someone stole it. Not exactly a “deal,” but whatever.
Favorite free thing to do: Getting rejected by cute girls in Dolores Park. I live for awkward situations.
If you woke up a millionaire, what’s the first thing you’d buy?: $500,000 in “safe” stocks and a Chingy CD. The other $499,987 would be squandered away on a thrilling combination of seitan, Natty Light, and bike parts.
Despite not having money, do you still love your life?: Like Kayne West loves himself.
Do you own my book?: No, but can I download it illegally?
Best hangover cure: Shut your mouth and deal with it.
Are you a hipster?: I’d like to think I’m not, but my collection of ironic tshirts suggests otherwise.
ALSO, while writing this, I totally found a $5 gift card in the box of cereal I was eating. Fuck ya!
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