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Nothing Says Spring Like A Nationally Televised Dating Show, Right?

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Joe's Dollar

It’s just so nice out! The weather is warm, the sun beats down on your face daily, supplying that much needed Vitamin D. The little doggies are looking as cute as ever with their shiny, new, trimmed coats, parading about the town on the leash of the townsmen. Oh the townsmen, yes, they are all smiling and laughing, and it seems that all problems have vanished (or at least no one wants to hear about them). So now looks like the perfect time for you to get on the…MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER SHOW!

That’s right, what says carpe diem better than standing in a line, dressed to the 9’s, with a chance to hit it big with a rich narcissist who you can try to 'œchange' in a matter of a few hours on a date? You would be a national hero, the girl who is irresistible! You get paid for the date if the bachelor chooses you for the show and you might even have a chance at some (super conditional) love. But let’s not even talk down about love trafficking, because in all likelihood you are probably just going to make the casting call which is a FREE chance to see what I imagine would be a nice offset against all the XOXOXO, smoochy-woochy, lovey-dovey, images you have to deal with now that spring has arrived in full force. Plus, have you ever wondered how attractive you really are? Go to the easy-to-navigate site of Onset Productions to find tickets to be casted for this show, or for many other shows and events. Now, make a profile and Hollywood pimp that oyster of yours.

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Rebecca E. - The Centimentalist

Rebecca E. - The Centimentalist

What does Rebecca bring to the table? Fanciful eye twinkles and a plastic tablecloth, that's what. Her parents are Russian, but she was born in Massachusetts and thus maintains her innocence, though she admittedly prefers blintzes and beet salad to hamburgers. When she spent a year in Japan as a kid she experienced the first of many dips on her normalcy development chart. She came back to the States like the little wheelbarrow on the NYC Edition of Monopoly. Next, she moved to Atlanta where she hung with Jermaine Dupree in elevators. She got a B.A. outside Chicago, and after a two-year stint as a consultant, warmed up in Miami, picking up a water-resistant J.D. Now she is back in Manhattan, trying to collect evidence and moneybags all over the board, henceforth as the cannon piece.