New York

Under & Overrated New York Icons

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New Yorkers love to self-congratulate constantly like all the time for any reason.  And why not?  You kind of really have to have some brass balls to live here if you weren’t born into the Gristede dynasty or whatever.  Plus, you know, it’s pretty much the best city in the U.S. (though I know Stuart & the SF writers will disagree).  But can we make some new lists of things/people that are awesome please?

Here’s what/who we need to start leaving out NOW:

Oh look at me, I'm so fucking willowy. Get outta your hipster world, Patti.

1) Patti Fucking Smith
I swear to god if I see her face on any list or magazine of any kind, I’m going to scream.  Which basically means I’ll be a walking scream-fest through the streets of New York.  Look, I liked Horses, ok?  But is the woman herself a genius?  Anyone who claims to not be a feminist because they “care” about “all people” is a fucking MORON.  Anyone who claims to be an “intellectual” but never bothered to go to college is a PRETENTIOUS LYING ASSHOLE.

2) Delis in Manhattan
When was the last time you went to a deli in Manhattan and paid a reasonable amount of money for portions that made any kind of sense whatsoever?  Never, that’s when.  Unless you’re like 85 years old and can contradict me about the old days, I can’t recall there ever being any Manhattan deli (I’m looking especially at YOU Katz’s Deli) that’s worth thinking twice about.  I like how a lot of places try to come off as all faux “character”-y and dive-y when they’re charging $12 for a hamster-sized pastrami sandwich.  Go FUCK yourselves.  Meat sandwiches aren’t even that good anyway, when they even are good.  Which they’re NOT in Manhattan.  Do your self a favor and go deep into Brooklyn to look for an Italian deli.  Those people still know what’s up.

UGHHHHHgjfdssghskfhgi;lkszdihgjl,kjavoiuj

3) New Woody Allen
OK, so Vicky Cristina Barcelona was good.  But, like, let’s face it, Woody Allen has not matured AT ALL since his early thirties, and he’s like what– 75??  It’s not cute anymore when you’ve got one foot in the grave.  Or you know, ever, really.  Also, he’s the godfather of hipster Asian fetishism.

Here’s what we need to add:

1) Amazing and CHEAP AS FUCK Middle Eastern food
Pitas are essentially the burritos of New York.  I’ve never realized how mediocre and overpriced Middle Eastern food is in California until I moved here.  So at least when I’m crying about how I can’t find a goddamn good burrito in this city, I can eat my feelings with a nice side of tabbouleh.

2) DILFs
I know, I know– the MILF thing has been allowed to live for far too long in our collective cultural consciousness.  But, like me & my friends have begun to adopt the “DILF” meme, just to let each other know when there’s an older man we find attractive.  Nowhere in the United States have I encountered such a large volume of said DILFs, and it’s time that someone said something about it.  I’m the real hero, guys.

Well, that’s all I could think of that’s underrated.  Help me out, will ya (in the comments!)?

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Anna G - Caliburg Contributor

Anna G - Caliburg Contributor

Anna G. is a Southern California native living in the Williamsburg area of Brooklyn since 2005. Anna is constantly trying to unite her love of CA sunshine and the excitement of the New York urban jungle, all the while trying to keep her unwieldy credit card debt under control, and look fabulous at brunch, no matter how un-showered and hungover.

8 Comments

  1. alex
    May 27, 2010 at 7:01 am

    George Clooney: “I have a kid??”

  2. Anna G - Caliburg Contributor
    May 27, 2010 at 8:33 am

    PAY ATTENTION, ALEX: “…me & my friends have begun to adopt the “DILF” meme, just to let each other know when there’s an older man we find attractive”

  3. Laura S - Spendthrift Scribe
    May 27, 2010 at 9:25 am

    I gotta disagree about the Smith thing, and not just because we share the same awesome last name. I think the reason why she’s all over the place right now is her book just came out, which is amazing btw. You don’t have to go to college to be an intellectual. She actually did attend but then dropped out. Her writing in the book is really strong and she’s more of a poet than a scholar which works for me. I know what you mean about the feminist thing, Yoko also says the same thing. I would give her a chance and recommend reading her book Just Kids or watch Dream of Life. It might change your mind.

  4. May 27, 2010 at 10:48 am

    I have to agree with Laura S. I love Patti and am reading her new memoir right now. And, I have to say, only someone who surrounds himself with the merely college-educated would make a statement like the above about intellectuals. Shakespeare, for example, might disagree.

  5. Anna G - Caliburg Contributor
    May 27, 2010 at 12:36 pm

    I just take offense to someone who makes blanket statements about things she clearly doesn’t understand (for whatever reason), yet posits herself as an intellectual.

  6. Julia H.
    May 27, 2010 at 2:47 pm

    But AAAAANNE. SHAKESPEARE!

  7. dan
    May 28, 2010 at 1:07 pm

    I think with Katz’s you just have to be careful what you order. If you get the Bagel with lox, e.g., it is like $10 (true), but there’s way more lox than bagel, so you can eat half and take the rest of the lox home and use it for breakfast the next day or two. The latkes are also a nice, if you like latkes, although $9 for 3 is a bit high, I admit.

  8. May 28, 2010 at 9:41 pm

    i respect ps but she bores the crap out of me. so do lou reed and bob dylan, though the velvets were good. sonic youth truly revolutionized music and sparked its finest decade, the 90’s. then they got the recognition they deserved and insta-sucked. wtf?

    finally, new york a great bike city? new green colored lanes are cool, but ever try to get up the east river bike path? yes, you are in the middle of first avenue alla sudden. west side bike path: cluster fuck at battery park and south of houston. will this EVER get done? no. sucks for cyclists here.