Bacardi Torched Cherry is a Waste of Money

Maybe it’s because I’m getting iced and weised left and right, but I am just so into new alcohol trends right now. I’m on such a roll that I’m even down to try the ones that look gross, which is why I’m currently in the possession of a bottle of Bacardi Torched Cherry.

Let me paint a picture: I’m sitting here in front of my computer, drinking a glass of this Bacardi mixed with Diet Coke like the ad says to do (home alone, but we don’t have to talk about that). As I sip on this drink and cringe, I’m wondering why I bought into this disgusting ass booze hype.

image courtesy of Moosylvania

For starters, the graphics in this campaign are stupid. At first glance, this spiky vine is very unsettling. It looks like alien arms and the way it’s wrapped around the bottle seems to say, “Stop! Don’t drink this! It tastes like poison and will stab your liver the way it’s stabbing through this cherry.” And you know what? It sort of feels like that every time I swallow.

When you actually read the text in the ad, you realize that the spiked alien arms are actually supposed to represent the “torched plant aloe” that’s in the alcohol. When I saw this, I got really irritated – you either call it a “torch plant” or you call it “aloe,” but it’s never both. Repetition is very important in advertising – I know – but come on. The only reason the torch plant is mentioned is so people better understand why “torched’ is in the name of the drink, but does this drink’s target audience really give a shit about etymology?

But what really gets my goat about this ad is the way that refreshing glass of cola seems to be getting pulled away from me by those wretched aloe vines. Are you really gonna take my Diet Coke away from me? Fuck you. We’re through.