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It’s the Earliest Daylight Saving Time Switch Ever, and That’s Bullshit

Updated: Mar 06, 2015 00:28
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dst_headerHalf of the fucking U.S. is covered with snow and we’re still going to ‘Spring forward’ this weekend. March 8 is the earliest date we’ve ever transitioned into Daylight Saving Time, and that’s bullshit. How in the fuck can we “Spring forward” when it is not yet even Spring?

In all of the 97 years that the U.S. has observed Daylight Savings, March 8 is the earliest date on which we have ever set the clocks forward. We are only 66 days into the new year and still 13 days from Spring. I will note that this is not the first time we have switched to Daylight Saving Time on March 8. We also set our clocks forward to DST on March 8 back in 2009. So technically, this year is tied with 2009 for the earliest Daylight Savings switch ever. Next year in 2016, the DST transition will move “all the way back” to March 13 (which is still not Spring!). We will once again switch to DST on March 8 in the year 2020, and I remain convinced that switching to Daylight Savings while much of the country is still buried in snow is just complete fucking bullshit.


Image courtesy some funny MF on Imgur

Why in the Fuck Are We Now Switching to DST So Early?

When we were kids, “Spring forward” was a sign that the school year was almost over. The Daylight Savings switch had occurred on the last Sunday in April ever since 1921. This made total sense, as the United States was still a somewhat agrarian society plus the the retailers got a little financial boost from people shopping later. Over the years, certain states opted in and out of Daylight Savings until Congress passed the Uniform Time Act of 1966. In 1987, Congress then made “Spring forward” effective the first Sunday in April, which was a little weird but at least it was still during Spring.

Fast forward to 2005, when the U.S. Congress passed the Energy Policy Act of 2005. This omnibus energy bill was basically the Bush administration’s ball-gobbling blowjob to the nuclear and coal industries. The bill extended Daylight Saving Time by 4-5 weeks (depending on the year), as part of the horse-trading that is generally part of omnibus-style legislation. The energy savings of moving DST forward provided a nice fig leaf that concealed massive tax breaks and subsidies to nuclear power and coal companies.

The act moved the start of DST to the second Sunday in March. Since March 1 was on a Sunday in 2015, the “second Sunday” falls as early as possible on March 8. Hence the bullshit of “Spring forward” during wintertime.


‘Victory’ poster, Library of Congress, 1918

Why in the Fuck Do We Do Daylight Savings in the First Place?

Hilariously, we stole the idea from Germany while we were at war with Germany.

Germany and Austria-Hungary (remember them?) first initiated Daylight Saving Time in 1916 as an effort to conserve coal and defeat us in World War I. Us enemies noticed that this worked pretty well, so the U.S. instituted the first “Spring forward” in 1918. Americans hated it, and Daylight Savings observance became optional after WWI concluded. FDR reinstituted mandatory, year-round Daylight Savings in 1942, calling it “War Time” which is kind of a badass name. In 1945 DST became optional again, and states pretty much did whatever the fuck they wanted until the calendar was made consistent in 1966.

This consistent calendar is now goosed up by a month, and it’s bullshit. I can understand why world leaders pulled this shit during wartime, people’s lives and the existence of their nations were at stake. Now these decisions are determined by asshole corporate lobbyists with massive cash to sway legislators. This bullshit status quo will remain in place until some other asshole corporate lobbyists come along with some other bullshit corporate agenda to make us fuck with our clocks again.

Daylight Savings during winter is bullshit. You may find it unreasonable for me to describe Daylight Savings observance with a stream of obscenities. But wait til you hear the stream of obscenities that comes out of your own goddamn mouth when you wake up Monday morning and it’s still fucking dark outside.

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Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura is a two-bit marketing writer who excels at the homoerotic double-entendre. He is training to run a full marathon completely drunk and high, and his work has appeared in the New York Times and Wall Street Journal on days when their editors made particularly curious decisions.