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Apple Erects ‘Nude Selfie’ Billboard in SF for Super Bowl

Updated: Feb 18, 2016 08:06
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A new iPhone billboard placed on I-80 in SF, just as the Super Bowl arrives here, depicts an attractive young woman taking an amateur topless selfie. Oh, I’d love to hear Jennifer Lawrence’s thoughts about this ad. The “Shot on iPhone 6s” billboard above can currently be seen in San Francisco at approximately Bryant and Rincon Streets, the first exit past the Bay Bridge westbound on I-80. Sponsored by Apple and T-Mobile, it depicts a ‘probably not underage, but you’d still definitely card her’ female taking a topless selfie, alongside a similar selfie of a similar model in a heavy winter coat. It went up this week, coinciding with the notoriously sexist Super Bowl marketing in which corporate brands just love to engage.

Listen, we love nude selfies and have written at length about privacy measures to take with nude selfies. But Apple has never provided any privacy guidance on the taking of nude selfies, and they’ve ruined quite a few women’s lives with their slapdash security on iCloud accounts. Now such ruination is a part of their marketing campaign. And we’re not holding our breath for any Apple billboards with men presented in a sexual context.

We apologize for the poor quality of these “Shot on iPhone 6s” billboard photos, the problem is they were — wait for it! — shot on an iPhone 6s. High-end iPhone cameras have long been exponentially shittier than high-end Android cameras. And the billboard is posted on a Bay Bridge area not intended for pedestrians. Security is so heavy in downtown San Francisco right now that had I walked into a restricted area I suspect six Robocops would have immediately tackled me, cuffed me, tranquilized me and shipped me off to Guantanamo Bay.

But it’s surely no accident that the ’Shot on iPhone 6s’ marketing campaign — which has highlighted some magnificent individual technical achievements — has decided to plop a “Look at the chick’s tits!” billboard in the host city of the Super Bowl. Apple could have chosen any number of outstanding amateur iPhone photographers to feature on this billboard, but for Super Bowl fans they chose a titillating young topless woman. I’ll take a wild guess that no proceeds are going to revenge porn victims.

Apple is curiously marketing the use of iPhones for sexting, even though countless women have been horribly humiliated by the hacking of their sexts. What is not mentioned on this billboard is that iPhone buyers get no end-user instructions on managing iCloud uploads, a no-choice opt-in system that is notoriously easy to hack. Buyers of these outlandishly expensive iPhones have complained about the lack of guidance, but Apple CEO Tim Cook will shoot his grandmother before he listens to customer feedback.

And don’t get me started on Apple’s predisposition against porn consumption on iOS, even though amateur soft porn is apparently now a part of Apple iPhone marketing. has reached out to Apple for comment on these billboards, and will update if we hear back. But seriously, you try getting a response from the world’s most profitable company when you’re calling from a publication called “Broke-Ass Stuart”. In the meantime, we highly recommend you read Violet Blue’s Smart Girl’s Guide to Privacy for proven, real-world tips on keeping your nude selfies private and protected.

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Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura is a two-bit marketing writer who excels at the homoerotic double-entendre. He is training to run a full marathon completely drunk and high, and his work has appeared in the New York Times and Wall Street Journal on days when their editors made particularly curious decisions.

1 Comment

  1. Carolyn Colarich Critz
    March 28, 2016 at 6:34 am

    How sick is it that the author refers to this woman as “attractive” twice? I found this article by searching for anorexic woman iPhone billboard or something like that. I guess one reason anorexia exists at the rate it does is that some or God forbid many men find this attractive. I’ve had to look at this billboard for several months now during my commute and it turns my stomach. Do all men find this attractive? Do any women aspired to this look?