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Mexico Announces Plan to Build Wall to Keep Chad Out of Cancun

Updated: Aug 15, 2019 21:05
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Mexico made a surprising move on Monday morning when announced that it plans to build a border wall in order to keep Chad out of Cancun.

In an interview with BAS, spokesperson for the Cancun tourism board, Felipe Calderon, said, “We’re sick of Chad and his friends coming to our country, acting like entitled brats, mistreating locals, and generally ruining everything they touch.”

Chad has been to Cancun seven times since he began his freshman year at San Diego State in 2016, and he calls the Mexican tourist mecca his favorite place in the world. “Bro,” Chad tells BAS, “you can get away with anything in Cancun if you just bring your dad’s credit card.”

Louisa Gonzalez, from the Mexican Ministry of the Interior, explained “We have a real problem with Americans in Mexico. They come here acting like they are better than everyone else, and don’t make any attempt to learn our customs. Even though they are visiting our country they expect us to speak English and even say idiotic things like ‘Sorry I don’t speak Mexican.'”

Juan Santana, owner of Juanito’s Cantina said, “Chad and his friends legitimately thought Taco Tuesday was a real holiday in Mexico. Only Americans would be that stupid and culturally ignorant.”

Other than treating people poorly and being completely ignorant of Mexican culture Chad has also been apprehended while peeing on public monuments on multiple occasions. “Look Bro,” Chad offered in defense, “when you’re blacked out on Cuervo you can’t be held responsible for the things that you do. Plus it’s Mexico! And did I mention I have my dad’s credit card?”

Mexican authorities believe that, by building this border wall, they will be able to keep out the 26 million US citizens who visit each year. According to Calderon, “Chad is just the tip of the iceberg.”

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Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap

Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap

Stuart Schuffman, aka Broke-Ass Stuart, is a travel writer, poet, TV host, activist, and general shit-stirrer. His website is one of the most influential arts & culture sites in the San Francisco Bay Area and his freelance writing has been featured in Lonely Planet, Conde Nast Traveler, The Bold Italic, and too many other outlets to remember. His weekly column, Broke-Ass City, appears every other Thursday in the San Francisco Examiner. Stuart’s writing has been translated into four languages. In 2011 Stuart created and hosted the travel show Young, Broke, and Beautiful on IFC and in 2015 he ran for Mayor of San Francisco and got nearly 20k votes.

He's been called "an Underground legend": SF Chronicle, "an SF cult hero":SF Bay Guardian, and "the chief of cheap": Time Out New York.