A new study shows that people who put on Public Displays of Affection are on the hot seat this week.  As scientists have proven that ‘PDA’, while annoying in a normal year, has become 47% more annoying during a pandemic. “Social distancing is a serious thing,”said scientist Dr. Sara Adans. 

Despite the government’s shelter in place order, directing citizens to stay at home unless they need to “PROVIDE OR RECEIVE CERTAIN ESSENTIAL SERVICES”.  People still seem to be taking walks in parks periodically, and still seem to be walking their dogs and exercise outside their homes. Local man Kenneth Buttress

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It’s day eleventy-thousand of quarantine, and if you are like me, you’re starting to think about eating your pets.  Not because you have anything against your wife’s Pomeranian named ‘Penelope’, but because your government is asking you to shelter in place, and to conserve supplies, and you have mouths to

“God is telling me to give Trump the virus, I’m so ashamed!”

At approximately 830pm in Hayes Valley, some PG&E equipment caught fire underground.  The result was a blackout for neighborhoods on the surrounding power grid.  Upper and Lower Haight St, Hayes Valley, parts of the Castro, Western Addition, even the goddamn Ballet had to close down and cancel its performance. As

Moscow – President Vladimir Putin held his annual New Year’s Eve party and this year President Trump was in attendance.  Putin gave a grand toast at midnight and officially pardoned the American President for all his transgressions in 2019. In front of a crowd of party-goers, Putin gave a speech

“We’re just trying to get people to stay past halftime.”

A week after President Donald Trump warned that he would “swiftly destroy” Turkey’s economy if it continued to attack US-allied Kurds in northeastern Syria, the President has doubled down on his threats.  “If the Turks do not stop their aggression into Syria, I will build Trump Casinos all over Turkey