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How To Get a Free COVID-19 Test If You’ve Been Going To The Protests

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The marches against police brutality are still going strong, in fact, there are plenty more scheduled tonight and all this week. But if you’ve attended any of the George Floyd demonstrations, you may have found it difficult to maintain proper six-feet social distancing when you’re running from the tear gas that police are throwing at you. That’s why there is now a free pop-up COVID-19 testing spot in San Francisco, according to the Chronicle, so you can get some healthy peace of mind if you’ve been out at protest dance parties in the streets.

Image: Michael M. via Yelp

You can sign up for a free test at Yes, the tests are already underway and being conducted at the Cathedral of Saint Mary of the Assumption, a.k.a. “Our Lady of Maytag,” a.k.a. “Two O’Clock Titty.” You do need to make an online reservation in advance, and answer a few basic questions first.

According to KPIX, SF public health officials are encouraging you to get the test if you’ve been attending protests, even if you’re not showing any coronavirus symptoms. 

“To the extent that you’re yelling, you’re shouting, if you’re infected, you may be putting more viral particles into the air,” UCSF epidemiologist George Rutherford told KPIX. “And then the final thing is tear-gassing and pepper spray which, thankfully, haven’t been used extensively here. People cough, they tear up… you’ll touch your eyes.”

These tests are of the nasal swab variety, which is not necessarily painful, but certainly is awkward. You can generally get a test the following day after signing up.

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Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura is a two-bit marketing writer who excels at the homoerotic double-entendre. He is training to run a full marathon completely drunk and high, and his work has appeared in the New York Times and Wall Street Journal on days when their editors made particularly curious decisions.