SF Parody Site Installs ‘Homeless Proof’ Planter Boxes
There is an exquisite parody site in San Francisco that mirrors its subject incredibly well. It has the same look and feel, even the language it uses to satirize is consistent with the marketing jargon from the original company. It really is a mockery on par with a full spread in Adbusters Magazine.
The company being culture-jammed is none other than SF Planters (www.sfplanters.com) a service that installs 1,000-1,800 lbs, industrial steel, planter boxes on sidewalks in the Bay Area. Their slogan is “Clean and beautiful streets“, and they pledge that once your planter boxes (which weigh as much as a small car) are installed on public sidewalks, the sfplanters.com service will, “ensure your home or storefront sidewalk are beautiful and vibrant for years to come.”
But there is an alternative message, per se. What is the effective meaning of this bold service? How does all this actually pan out on the streets, once you get past the sales pitch…enter “sfplanters.org”:
“sfplanters.org“
– “We install Planters so you don’t have to look at homeless people.”
“WHAT WE DO:
At SF Planters, our mission is to create planter boxes to deter encampments from being in proximity to our customers’ properties.
Our company deploys tanks full of over 1200 lbs of rocks, as they are nearly impossible to move.
We’re happy to help displace visual signs of homelessness to other blocks. Whether you are a business owner or homeowner, you shouldn’t have to endure the sights of poverty near commercial spaces, vacant areas, parking lots, and freeways.”
Under “Services”, sfplants.org has quite a different message than its sister site “sfplanters.com”…it’s more of a visceral explanation of what the company does, they write:
“We let customers anonymously request planter placements, help you conduct the involuntary sweeps through DPW, and then rapidly install our planter barricades overnight.
To prevent advocacy groups and city officials from blocking our work, there is no community feedback processes or transparency around the locations chosen. That’s why people are flocking to SF Planters to help move the unsightly parts of life to other nearby streets. We have a holistic approach and we’re good at what we do.”
To bring the satire to to completion, not only does sfplants.org have a ‘Frequently Asked Questions’, section complete with gems like:
“sfplanters.com”
– “Clean and beautiful streets.”
W H A T W E D O
“At SF Planters our mission is to create beautiful and vibrant sidewalk planter box installations for our customers. Whether you are a business owner, homeowner, or just want to improve the look of your neighborhood, we have sizes and styles of planters that can fit your needs.We also take a holistic approach to working with our community and city departments to find the best solution for home and business owners, and those living on the street in our communities.”
To bring the satire to to completion, not only does sfplants.org have a ‘Frequently Asked Questions’, section complete with gems like:
“sfplanters.org“
“How much do barricades cost?
Our barricades start at $750 each. We’ve seen some amazing GoFundMe’s come together to order enough planters to deter sidewalk access along entire blocks.”
Are these barricades up to City Code?
We haven’t faced any issues yet. As long as we don’t get 311 complaints, the planters can remain up for years to come. We recommend our customers remain stealthy about the install to avoid activist groups from getting involved.
Where do the affected people go after barricades are installed?
We wish we could help the homeless with housing or other life improvements, but that’s outside our scope of work. Usually affected people move 1-2 blocks away.”
But that’s not all. The chef’s kiss that would make even the Billboard Liberation Front proud, is the phone number listed on www.sfplants.org is a working number (415) 610-4776)) that goes to a voicemail message saying, “Thanks for calling…we install barricades…how many homeless people would you like to see removed?”
I wonder if the City has seen an increase in 311 complaints? I mean, did more people simply dial 311, or use the incredibly easy to download 311 app? Because 311 can help with all your non-emergency needs. Anyone can request City services online, on our mobile app, or by phone 24 hours a day, 7 days a week…
Howdy! My name is Katy Atchison and I'm an Associate Editor for Broke-Ass Stuart.
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