Why Does Google Maps Get So Many Things About The Bay Area Wrong?

Credit: Google Maps

It’s pretty normal to hate on tech in the Bay Area. It’s actually cliche at this point. The hip kids hate A.I. now. It’s tech, but for people who want to circumstantially murder the working class so they don’t have to interact with the people that they’re displacing when they need a package delivered. 

But this article isn’t about the impending doom that is artificial intelligence, it’s about how Google Maps doesn’t know shit about the Bay. 

For example, according to Google Maps, Dolores Park, and by extension, Mission High School aren’t in the Mission District. 

Well, that’s fucking news to me, nerds! 

Even their description of the Mission District includes a mention of Dolores Park as a feature of the neighborhood. Clearly someone somewhere doesn’t know what the fuck they’re talking about.

The Bay Area inaccuracies don’t stop with the Mission District. They also get entire cities wrong. Did you know Concord isn’t a part of the Bay Area despite having a Cal State East Bay campus, two BART stations, and rappers who claim to be pimps but can’t rap and don’t pimp? These are essential ingredients to Bay Area membership eligibility. I’m not wrong. It’s also only 30 miles from San Francisco. That is also relevant. Google’s description says Concord is a city “northeast of San Francisco.” Yet these fucks say San Jose is a part of the Bay even though it’s 3,000 miles away? I’m kidding. San Jose is part of the Bay, it’s just not a part I care about. I also don’t care about Concord, but both are part of the Bay Area. 

I know why this happened. Because people with no understanding of the region move here and then do this fun little thing that they shouldn’t do but feel compelled to: speaking.

Transplants are fine. I don’t care if you move here, but I’ve had so many dumb definitions of the Bay Area told to me with a confidence that shouldn’t exist, it’s actually nauseating that these misconceptions have gotten so common they’ve infected Google Maps. 

And make no mistake, I fucking love Google Maps. It’s traveling for lazy people. For example, I’ve always wanted to go to Rome or Naples in Italy. I think they look cool. Have I been there? No. But with the magic of Google Maps, I can pretend with some semblance of visual accuracy. 

There’s also an elephant in the room when it comes to Google’s definitions of places; whether it be neighborhoods or cities, and that elephant is called classism. The reason why the Mission District’s boundaries on Google Maps stop at Valencia Street is because Valencia Street is a class boundary. 

The Mission gets more affluent as you get closer to Dolores Park. Valencia Street is the Mission’s gentrification corridor. Mission Street is still wild, but Valencia is where future kooky aunts open artisanal cupcake shops for cats who only respond to commands in French because who doesn’t need that? This fictional (for now) cat cupcake shop will have a silly name like “KATZ IN A PARISIAN KUP” and the logo will feature a cat wearing a fedora sitting in a cupcake smoking a cigarette. This business will fail in less than a year, and then the trust fund “entrepreneur” will write an op-ed for the San Francisco Chronicle complaining that the City is no longer a place for small businesses to thrive. 

This phenomenon also occurred in Vallejo. Not the gentrification, Vallejo is still Vallejo, but Vallejo, despite being lumped in with the East Bay, is actually in the North Bay. Why is Vallejo often mischaracterized as the East Bay? Because for the most part, the North Bay is known for Marin County and the Napa Valley. Vallejo is known for rap and sideshows. You know, East Bay shit. 

But yeah, get wrecked, Google. Check the scoreboard, NERDS!

Me. 1 Google. 410,843,845,845,809,985,853,195

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