I love food. You love food. If you don’t love food, then you’re doing it wrong and I’d love to know how I can help.

But in our quest for ever-increasing (America!) and unique foods and drinks, we accidentally create objects of consumption so terrible that we should hang our heads in hubris and get drunk on the salty tears of an un-forgiving god.

Sometimes you just don’t want the party to end. You’ve been up all night dancing, drinking, drugging, doing the deed, and suddenly it’s 6am and you’re like, “Damn, I bet I’m in perfect condition to be out in public and in a drinking establishment.”

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OFF MENU IS SPONSORED BY BENDER’S BECAUSE THEY ARE BADASS. DROP BY AND MAKE SOME BAD DECISIONS WITH SOME GOOD PEOPLE! This originally appeared in my Weeknighter column for 7×7 The first time I went to Columbus Café was with a con artist named Nelson. Well, at least that’s what he said his name was.

Somebody told me to go see Mama the bartender at the Bow Bow in Chinatown, which were the most enticing words I had heard all week. That Friday I was downing shots of Patron with Mama amongst a sea of pistachio shells as beautifully terrible karaoke blared in the background.

OFF MENU IS SPONSORED BY EMPEROR NORTON’S BOOZELAND THE TENDERLOIN’S NEWEST HISTORIC DIVE.  HAPPY HOUR NOON – 7PM Sometimes, you gotta do it. Actually, if you’re in SF, you’re probably doing it a lot. The general consensus seems to be that dating here is…um…arduous…if not down-right shitty sometimes. So when the time comes

OFF MENU IS SPONSORED BY EMPEROR NORTON’S BOOZELAND THE TENDERLOIN’S NEWEST HISTORIC DIVE.  HAPPY HOUR NOON – 7PM   I sit down at Café Flore, just off Market Street, and send Bryce a text. “I have arrived. Sitting outside.” It’s really a prayer in text form. Bryce and I have been trying to

was there the first night Emperor Norton’s Boozeland opened. In attendance was what amounted to a royal retinue of SF service industry folk. People who’ve been in the trenches, getting San Franciscans drunk and fed for decades

OFF MENU IS SPONSORED BY BENDER’S BECAUSE THEY ARE BADASS. DROP BY AND MAKE SOME BAD DECISIONS WITH SOME GOOD PEOPLE!   The Irish have a knack for storytelling. And according to my mobster ex-boyfriend, fighting as well. They never give up.  Combined, if they do it right, it’s like a reassuring family.