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Fun Activity Ideas According To My Spam Folder


Since I have the good fortune of constantly receiving emails from fun, sexy, and underage strangers bombarding me with “Great deals!” and “Discount Cruises,” and I almost never take them up on their altruistic offers, I thought I would share some of the great ideas sent my way! Although I have never opened one of these emails, they are automatically routed into a separate folder tastily named “SPAM,” which must mean they are great ideas because SPAM is such a delicious and versatile food, and nothing bad could ever come from a folder called SPAM! Therefore, you should try any or a combination of these if you’re feeling down in the dumps and/or bored. These sound like great activity ideas, and I would like to take this opportunity to thank whoever signed me up for these nifty mailing lists! Have fun, kids!

Tire and Oil Change Coupons
For the car that I don’t have.

For the penis that I don’t have.

Find Top Quality Tire Coupons Now!
Did I not just say I have no car?

Donate A Vehicle To Your Favorite Charity
Are you not listening to me?!?

Take Out A Loan! Offer Expires At Midnight!

Check Anyone’s Arrest Record Online Instantly!
This sounds disturbingly fun.

Is Your Wallet Feeling A Little Light?
Does a bear shit in the woods?

Say Goodbye To Depression
Yes, please!

Melt Fat With Coffee Beans!

You’re Approved!
For what??? I don’t know, but I am excited!

Need A New Wheelchair Lift? Check These Out!
Not applicable.

Rent Due? No Food? We Can Help!
Yes, yes, and tell me how immediately!

Stop Alcoholism, Start A New Life
Wait, maybe this is a sign…

Get Some Help To Get Back On Your Feet
Does it involve twelve steps?

Time To Eat Some Sushi On A Rooftop

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Patricia Scull - Patty the Pauper

Patricia Scull - Patty the Pauper

Patty loves cats, cheese, and irony, so although she is currently a petite Asian chick, she is well on her way to becoming a fat, smelly, cat lady later in life. Born in Korea and adopted to white people in the South, Patty spent her youth frolicking happily in the cornfields of eastern North Carolina. She currently lives in the East Village and can be found boozing her way through the bars (and streets) of New York.