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The XXXFiles: Agent Mulder’s Secret Porn Obsession

The X-Files. What can you say about it? It changed TV forever. How many shows can you think of right now that have been influenced by it? It has become an integral part of 90’s nostalgia and a landmark in Television history.

X-File fans know of a running joke through the first few seasons.

It was always hinted at that Agent Mulder loved porn. That’s right. Agent “I’ll take a bullet for Scully” and “I’ll do anything to save my sister from the evil syndicate” loved porn.

Which makes total sense!

Until his relationship with Dana blossomed in later seasons, where was poor, workaholic, alien-obsessed, paranoid as fuck, agent Mulder supposed to get any? He even got kicked out of any bar he got drunk enough in to tell the truth.

Mulder drunk in The X Files 1998 Movie "Fight The Future" Courtesy Fox Entertainment

Mulder drunk in The X-Files 1998 Movie “Fight The Future” Courtesy of Fox Entertainment

In the scene above Mulder gives this speech below, and is promptly cut off by the bartender:

“I’m the key figure in an ongoing government charade, a plot to conceal the truth about the existence of extraterrestrials. It’s a global conspiracy actually, with key players in the highest levels of power, that reaches down into the lives of every man woman and child on this planet.

So of course, no one believes me. I’m an annoyance to my superiors and a joke to my peers. They call me “Spooky”. “Spooky Mulder” Whose sister was abducted by aliens when he was just a kid and now chases after little green men with a badge and a gun shouting to the heavens or anyone that will listen that the fix is in and the sky is falling and when it hits…it’s gonna be the shit-storm of all time.”

That kind of stress could never help anyone get laid.

In a show that set an extremely serious tone in its first 4 seasons, these bits of levity really stood out.

From the Season 3 episode "Nisei" - Courtesy Fox entertainment

From the Season 3 episode “Nisei” – Courtesy Fox entertainment

Or this

From Season 4's "Wetwired" - Courtesy Fox entertainment

From Season 3’s “Wetwired” – Courtesy Fox entertainment

Just look at Scully’s face!

But seriously, there was tension on the set in the mid 90’s. From Gillian not getting paid as much as David Duchovny, to what was described as an atmosphere of a “boys club” on set, I’m guessing that some of Scully’s constant annoyance wasn’t hard to conjure up for the actress.

The reputed “epic feud” between the two is still even talked about today.

It’s not known how Gillian felt about all these porn references written in by an all-male writing team.

We all know that Duchovny went on to star in the show “Californication” in which he played a sex-addicted writer…and was then caught in his own real-life sex scandal which broke up his marriage to actress Tea Leoni. Then Duchovny went through a very publicized sex rehab program.

I spent hours creating a “Mulder Porn Reference Super-Cut Video” for you. Unfortunately, it got flagged for copyright infringement (even though I gave Fox Credit.) Fortunately, I found a suitable replacement video at the end of the list below.

Without further ado, here is a comprehensive list of every X-Files porn reference Agent Mulder ever made:

 

SEASON 1

The Jersey Devil“: Scully catches Mulder looking at a model in a porno mag. Mulder promptly attempts to save grace by telling Scully that the woman was an abductee.

Beyond the Sea“: Scully enters the office after the death of her father. Mulder obviously wasn’t expecting her to be there and finds him reading something very intently. She says: “The Last time you were that engrossed, it turned out you were reading the Adult Video News”

SEASON 2

Blood“:  When visiting the The Lone Gunman, Mulder lets them know that he missed their last issue because it arrived on the same day as his subscription to “Celebrity Skin”.

One Breath“: It’s pretty obvious by the sound coming from Mulder’s very 90’s Sony TV set that he’s watching porn. “Don’t stop” can be heard and heavy breathing.

Excelsis Dei“: Mulder arrives to work to find Scully watching something out of his view on the VCR. He immediately exclaims that whatever it is, it’s not his. Scully just laughs and says something to the affect of “Oh, along with all those other videos that aren’t yours?”

SEASON 3

Paper Clip“: Upon realizing that Mulder isn’t’ dead, he tells his good friend Frohike that he’s going to have to wait a little longer for his video collection.

D.P.O“: While searching for evidence in a teenager’s room (brilliantly played by a young Giovanni Ribisi) Mulder comes upon a porno magazine. Scully remarks that she’s “surprised he doesn’t already have that issue.”

Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose“:  Out of the blue, Mr. Bruckman (a psychic) feels compelled to tell Mulder that he is going to die in an auto-erotic asphyxiation accident. *Trivia: Peter Boyle won an Emmy for his portrayal of Mr. Bruckman.

Nisei“: Mulder asks Scully to watch a video he ordered in the mail and she remarks with a smirk that it’s not “your usual brand of entertainment”.

Pusher“: Mulder has to go negotiate a hostage situation and is fitted with a camera. He asks “Think it gets the Playboy Channel?”

Wetwired“: When looking at a huge stack of video tapes, Mulder asks “anything good”?

SEASON 4

Small Potatoes“: A man named Eddie has the ability to shapeshift and decides to take on the form of Agent Mulder. Upon entering Mulder’s apartment, he listens to his answering machine and hears an ad from a phone sex company.

SEASON 5

Chinga“: Scully is on vacation, but her workaholic nature prevents her from actually enjoying herself. She gives Mulder a call and hears heavy moaning from a TV in the background. She asks him: “What are you watching?” he replies: “The World’s Deadliest Swarms”. (The joke here is that it’s revealed that Mulder  WAS watching a corny bug attack video similar to many of the same shows that Fox aired in the mid 90’s).

SEASON 6

Dreamland Part I: Mulder has switched bodies with another guy, and his faux wife catches him watching softcore porn.

Did I miss any Mulder Porn moments? Please let me know in the comments!

As promised, here is a fun video montage of some of Mulder’s best porn references.

 

Speaking of that “feud” between the stars I mentioned earlier, it all seems to be water under the bridge now. In fact, there’s quite a bit of speculation that the pair are actually dating in real life. From this article that claims that Gillan accidentally confirmed a romance with Duchovny during a podcast interview. (Listen for yourself, she seems to slip and say that they share an apartment in NYC together.) When asked to do a Reddit AMA, the two actors took a picture of each other together in bed.

 

A Recent Reddit AMA

A Recent Reddit AMA

 

Of course, this could all just be publicity for the ongoing X-Files revival. But a plethora of fans have pointed out the actors seeming adoration for each other during recent public appearances.

 

Gazing #2

Gazing #1

And look at what was written into a later season of the show. I say case closed.

Courtesy of Fox entertainment

Courtesy of Fox entertainment

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Lauryn Petrie - NYC Editor

Lauryn Petrie - NYC Editor

Lauryn Petrie is a reformed drug addict, ex-stripper, college drop out, and stand-up comedian. She currently resides in the NYC area taking odd jobs, writing, and telling jokes to drunks. You can follow her on Twitter @TheLaurynPetrie and follow her live shows here: http://laurynpetrie.com

  • Angie Blackmon

    I love it! Great work!!! <3 👽

  • Todd Gray

    God Bless you, for doing The Lord’s work!