14 Great Ideas for Cheap Dates

This originally appeared in my book Young, Broke and Beautiful: Broke-Ass Stuart’s Guide to Living Cheaply.

We all pay for sex somehow.  Some of us with our time, some of us with our money, and most of us with our dignity.  Since I know you’re severely lacking money and dignity, here’s some fun cheap ways to hang out with that special someone that might help you get a little sumptin-sumptin.

Ice Cream or a Milkshake: Cheap, delicious and downright cute….as long as nobody is lactose intolerant. Then it just becomes cheap, delicious, and downright stinky.

A Picnic: Hit up the store and get some sandwich fixins or some nibbles so that you have something to soak up that cheap wine you’re bringing. Bring some weed too if that’s your thing, but don’t be surprised if the conversation goes quite. Pot just kinda does that.

Go for a Walk or Hike: No matter where you live, there’s gotta be somewhere that’s at least kinda scenic. Even if you live in Fresno.

Take a Tour of A Brewery or Winery: You might end up paying an entrance fee, but at least the establishment is supplying the booze.

Go on a Scavenger Hunt: I don’t know, I’m sure somebody does this kind of shit.

Make Fun of People: Go some place public like the mall and just make mean, snickering comments to each other about all the passersby, especially the morbidly obese people. It makes you feel awesome! It also makes you a terrible person who will probably burn in hell.

See a Game: Go on a discount day and get nosebleed seats. Sneak in a flask and some food so you don’t end up buying the amazing smelling garlic fries.

Bowling: Nothing says “sexy time” better than fat rednecks rolling heavy balls down an alley.

Land pirates, just like I said.

Go to the County Fair: No matter where you are, this happens every summer and it’s usually pretty cheap to get in, see some farm animals, ride a rickety rollercoaster, and eat some corn on the cob. Have you ever noticed how Carnies are pretty much land pirates? All kinds of eye patches and missing teeth and shit. If you haven’t noticed it before, you will next time.

Art Openings: Free wine and cheese bitches!!

Watch a Meteor Shower: These things happen multiple times a year. Find out when one is happening and drive out to some place where you can see the stars. You’ll get to discover how many falling stars you have to wish upon in order for you to get laid.

Rent a Movie from the Library: They are free plus you finally have an excuse to see Casablanca. I have a feeling the library’s selection isn’t too vast.

See a High School Football Game: Just get really wasted and see how much screaming and belittling it takes before you get 86’d.

The Farmer’s Market: Free samples make it so nobody needs to spend money.

Now is your turn.  Do you have any good ideas for cheap dates?  If so, share them below!