Lonely Broke-Ass’s Valentine’s Day at Pumps

Envision this: it’s Valentine’s Day and you ain’t got no sweetheart. Furthermore, you don’t want one, and you think Valentine’s Day is a trite greeting-card-holiday anyway. But you’re a man, God damnit, and you want female attention and booze every day of the week. You look into your wallet and see you only have twenty-five dollars. Well, you’ve made your trip to the local bars, and there just ain’t no women for you to jive with, no lonely little honey at the edge of a bar stool looking for romance or a quick fix, no hearts, no arrows, no cards, no dinners – but who cares, you don’t have any obligations either. And then it hits you! You know where to go! Yes – you’ll go to Pumps!

Pumps is a spectacular, self-proclaimed “hipster strip club”, decorated with motorcycles and live topless women hanging from the polls. On the weekdays happy hour lasts from 3pm to 6pm with all beers for $4 ($7 durring off hours), and on Saturday (closed on Sunday) the happy hour is from 4pm to 6pm with the same deal on beers. And there is Never a cover charge at the door! The atmosphere is laid-back and casual. So go be your horn-dog-self, but remember the golden rule – NO TOUCHING! Just place your money in the cleavage, make eye contact and let her move on! She already knows what you’re thinking.

So, happy Valentine’s Day, broke-asses. May it be a merry one. And for all you coupled broke-asses, Pumps could be an excellent idea for a Valentine’s date too… Think about it.

Pumps
1089 Grand St. (between Metropolitan Ave. and Vandervoort Ave.)
[East Williamsburg]

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