Fun Activity Ideas According To My Spam Folder

Since I have the good fortune of constantly receiving emails from fun, sexy, and underage strangers bombarding me with “Great deals!” and “Discount Cruises,” and I almost never take them up on their altruistic offers, I thought I would share some of the great ideas sent my way! Although I have never opened one of these emails, they are automatically routed into a separate folder tastily named “SPAM,” which must mean they are great ideas because SPAM is such a delicious and versatile food, and nothing bad could ever come from a folder called SPAM! Therefore, you should try any or a combination of these if you’re feeling down in the dumps and/or bored. These sound like great activity ideas, and I would like to take this opportunity to thank whoever signed me up for these nifty mailing lists! Have fun, kids!

Tire and Oil Change Coupons
For the car that I don’t have.

Viagra
For the penis that I don’t have.

Find Top Quality Tire Coupons Now!
Did I not just say I have no car?

Donate A Vehicle To Your Favorite Charity
Are you not listening to me?!?

Take Out A Loan! Offer Expires At Midnight!
LOL

Check Anyone’s Arrest Record Online Instantly!
This sounds disturbingly fun.

Is Your Wallet Feeling A Little Light?
Does a bear shit in the woods?

Say Goodbye To Depression
Yes, please!

Melt Fat With Coffee Beans!
HOW?!??!?!????!?!!!!???

You’re Approved!
For what??? I don’t know, but I am excited!

Need A New Wheelchair Lift? Check These Out!
Not applicable.

Rent Due? No Food? We Can Help!
Yes, yes, and tell me how immediately!

Stop Alcoholism, Start A New Life
Wait, maybe this is a sign…

Get Some Help To Get Back On Your Feet
Does it involve twelve steps?

Time To Eat Some Sushi On A Rooftop
WTF

Photo Credit: paypervisitemail.com