10 Reasons You Should NOT Give Your Money to Broke-Ass Stuart’s Indiegogo Campaign

This post is sponsored by Citizens Against Broke-Ass Stuart.

Apparently Broke-Ass Stuart is doing an indiegogo campaign so that he can grow his website, pay his writers, and continue creating what he calls “dope shit”. We at Citizens Against Broke-Ass Stuart don’t think you should give him money to do this so we created this list explaining why:

1. You hate fun things: Broke-Ass Stuart has been helping people of all tax brackets find amazing things to do for over a decade. You hate fun don’t you? Don’t give him your money.

2. You hate good writing: Stuart has written for everyone from Lonely Planet to The SF Bay Guardian to The Bold Italic. Many of his best pieces have been sold to other publications though. Raising this money will allow him to publish his own best work. Trust me, you don’t want that. Keep your money.

3. You like evictions: Stuart has been an advocate of renters rights and affordable housing since…well forever. He’s even publishing a column now called Ask a Tenant’s Rights Lawyer. If you think SF should only be a playground for the filthy rich then save your money.

4. You’re a Tea Party member: Stuart is pinko-socialist bastard. He believes in evil things like universal healthcare, racial justice, and marriage equality. And he even writes about that kind of stuff. Don’t contribute to this kind of thing.

5. You hate cute animals: Yeah, fuck those guys.

6. You hate women: Stuart’s website constantly promotes things like feminism and gives horrendous tips like what you can do if you see a woman being harassed on the street. Who needs that kind of crap?

7.  You hate sex: Gross right? Who wants to read about sex? It should only be done for procreation, in the dark, with a single life-time partner, and in the Missionary position. Well Stuart’s website not only has a popular Sex & Dating column it also reports on things like polyamory and sex parties. I guess it’s called “sex-positive” or something.

8. You think art is for pussies: Stuart champions art and artists, giving musicians and other people who create things a place to shine. He also has a contributor named P Segal who writes about what it was like living in SF back in the day and creating such artsy-fartsy things as Burning Man. Blech!

9. You hate travel: America is #1 right? Yeah, we agree. That’s why we think its stupid that Stuart and his contributors write about “amazing things” in such ridiculous places as Spain, Australia, Japan, Italy, Argentina and more. Why would you want to go traveling?

10. Because you want to see the little guy fail: Stuart represents the little guy. He has no corporate backing, no venture capital, and has achieved everything through hard work and hustling. He is not beholden to anyone and because of this he can write and publish anything he wants without worrying about getting shut down or censored. And that is a dangerous thing.

So if you feel the same as we do about the things mentioned above, DO NOT, under any circumstances donate to Stuart’s indiegogo campaign. If you do, may god have mercy on your soul…or at least may your landlord evict you quickly.

Awesome illustration by Cate Andrews and photo of Stuart by Myleen Hollero