How To Run A 10K If You’re Broke And Bad At Sports

I am currently lying in bed, wondering whether I will ever use my legs again, and eating Spanish cheese poofs shaped like “futebolas” (i.e. soccer balls). This is because, (cue music) ‘it’s the eye of the tiger’/’we are the champions’/’na-na-naaaaa’, Rocky Balboa moment.  In other, less confusing and non-song lyric words, I ran a 10k!

You may ask yourself why I get to write an article about this, while you, perhaps living in SF/NY, have to exert the same amount of energy every day, just running after a bus with a sociopathic driver who definitely saw you, but drove off anyway.

The first reason why is because the 10k itself was FREE! Secondly, it’s because I am a broke unathletic indoor kid with myopia (i.e. a Standard Nerd) and this will serve a How To guide if you happen to be a standard nerd, too.

As you probably know, even if you are hilariously uncoordinated and just have one of those faces that people love to throw balls at (tee hee), you can hide it by doing all sorts of badass sport things by yourself. Running, for example, helps you feel better, look good, and you probably don’t have a real excuse for not doing it (I myself smoke and am really, really, lazy).

I have always liked to run, but had never done any sort of official race because I’m broke (shocking, I know). The idea that you had to pay more than 30$ in order to run along more or less the same roads you could run along by yourself was (and is) ridiculous.

Did I already mention that El Corte Ingles run, however, is FREE?

If you ever decide to run a 10k (which you should), here’s some advice you didn’t ask for.  Firstly – try not to bring too much. See if they offer water on the run (probably yes), hydrate beforehand, and don’t bring your own bottle. Don’t worry about any sort of public transport pass, you will want to walk home (it’s a great way to cool down). Mostly, don’t bring your bulky camera and don’t risk getting trodden on just to be able to get some good pictures for your article. It’s not worth it, Rae.

Some more unwanted tips are:

DO
– Dress your dog up in what is maybe a Limited Too dress
DON’T
– Wear jeans to a 10k
– Try to take a Chihuahua on an escalator because it will freak the fuck out.

DO
– Lean on a lamp post and don’t look into the camera – a perfect way to hide your infinite dweebyness.

DO
– Wear pink on Wednesdays.
DON’T
– Be short, specifically in a crowd. For all you tall people, by the way, this is what it’s like.

DO
– Bring your Catalan language dictionary to decode anti-mass tourism takeover signs (“Mass Tourism Destroys”).
DON’T
– Get noticed when you take a picture of it because you will get pursued and ranted at for about a block.

DO
– Laugh at yet another rainbow penis-shaped statue in Barcelona.

DO
– Bring a scooter to a 10k. What a genius.

DO
– Resist temptation to take another picture of revolutionary gentleman, this time holding a confusingly encouraging sign (“it’s springtime at Town Hall”).

DO
– Enjoy a sugary beverage, although preferably not Coca-Cola, after the race.
DON’T
– Fail to recycle the soda can, or this lady will KILL YOU.

DO
– After stretching, sit/lie down and relax! The asphalt in the street will be warm from the cars and the sun, and the vibration of oncoming vehicles will do wonders for your sore muscles.
DON’T
– Take selfies in the street. You could get hit by a car, for crying out loud.

Being broke can get tough, and if you need to disconnect a bit, running is a great way to feel better. Running a 10k was actually a barrel of fun, and now everyone thinks I’m badass (until they read this, of course). If you want to run for FREE in the Bay Area, your only option may still be to do so solo (or to become friends with this lady – she looks fun). However, there are some 5Ks and 10Ks that are at least not too ungodly expensive! Behold, a list of upcoming Bay Area 5K and 10K races for 30$ and under:

Super MOM Virtual Run – 5k/10k/Half Marathon (San Francisco) – May 9^th

Mother’s Day Marina Green – May 10^th

Geek Day 5K – May 23^rd

Father’s Day SUPERDAD 5K –June 6^th

Dance Like Nobody’s Watching Fun Run, San Jose – June 14^th

Father’s Day Rainbow Falls 5K – June 21^st

San Francisco FrontRunners 36th Annual Pride Run 2015 – June 27^th

Great Highway 5k – June 28^th

Hercules 5k – July 4^th

Independence Day 5K & 10K – July 4^th

Crissy Field 5k –July 12^th

Support Our Girls 5K & 10K – October 1^st

Hug A Runner 5K, Concord – November 7^th

Ugly Sweater 5K & 10K – December 5^th

Credit for photography: me, harkening back to a time in my life when I could still stand.