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The Broke Ass Holiday Gift Guide (for Broke-ass Ballers)

Updated: Jan 11, 2016 14:02
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For the broke and destitute to the rich and showy, for the rabbis and non touchy priests, for punks and investment bankers,  we’ll… not really for the fucking bankers.  Here is the greatest holiday gift guide you’ve seen today…maybe, or like that you’ve seen in the last 15 minutes.  We asked our writers what they recommended for holiday gifts, and we got them for all budgets.

Gifts are broken up into cheap, mid-range, and ‘baller’ categories.  first up are the affordable gifts by yours truly:


Cheap Gift (Alex Mak Picks)

1) Hammer For Mom or Dad
Price: Like $5
where to find it: hardware store or neighbor’s garage
That’s right, a hammer.  Hammer’s are cheap, but also very cool.  If your Mom or Dad don’t like the gift, they can simply hit you with the hammer.

2)  For that artsy friend 
Urban Air Market
Price: Every budget
Find it: Pier 70 SF Dec 13th
urban air

Doesn’t this lady look nice?  There’s something like 170 artists and craftsman selling cool shit at pier 70 on Sunday.  There’s a bar, even a band, and it’s free entry.  No brainer, if you want to get someone something original, handmade and apparently sustainable, this would be the spot.  Info Here.  Oh and full disclosure Urban Air is a BAS sponsor, so….I’m totally biased, but then again im totally biased towards local artists anyway.



Mid Range Gifts by Candace Cui


Ineke Floral Curiosities Scent Library
Where to find it: Tigerlily Perfumery at 973 Valencia St. SF
Cost: $22


A scent wonderland exists in the Mission. Not only can owner Antonia Kohl help you find the perfect perfume or cologne for everyone in your life, this cute-as-fuck library of large samples (complete with individual dewey decimal cards) from Ineke, a local perfumer, is thrifty as hell.


People I’ve Loved California Print
Where to find it: People I’ve Loved
Cost: $30

image (1)

Our golden state is rendered so beautifully in this silkscreen print by the local artists at People I’ve Loved. They make painfully adorable and hilarious holiday cards too, so you can gift the glory of our California lifestyle to those abroad and tell them to come home.


Hella Plants
Where to find it: Crimson Horticultural Rarities at 470 49th St, Oakland
Cost: $5-30


A plant is a gift that keeps on giving, if you’re good at not killing them. This Oakland store specializes in rare plants, succulents, cacti, and all the things you need to make them look even cooler. Plus, it always smells good in there and you get to hang out in Temescal while you shop.

Baller Gifts by Kit Friday

KES Fitness Membership
Price: Varies depending on membership type
Where to Find it: 2600 West St Oakland, California

gym 2
Why: Giving someone gym membership is a pretty loaded gift, but fuck that. I want to kick ass this year and between the women’s self-defense classes and Muay Thai and kickboxing courses will assure that I will become a force to be reckoned with, and have a great ass. Bonus.

Gold Leaf Encasement Earrings
Price: $270
Where to find it: 833 Market, San Francisco, CA 94103 (by appointment
gold earings
Why: I love Luana Coonen’s super modern jewelry aesthetic. These earrings are unique and beautifully made. They will make you feel like the money that you are.

Stuart’s Cheap, Midrange, and Baller Picks

Retrofit SF
Price: good ones
Where to find it: b/t 20th St & Liberty St. Mission SF
retrofit sf

Vintage clothes, wigs, body paint, mustaches and other great stuff for costumes and every day sf life.  This store is dope if you need to look the part

Workshop SF
Price: Lots of different prices
Where to find it: 1798 McAllister Street @ Baker San Francisco, CA 94115

workshop sf

Workshop offers affordable DIY classes for adults, taught by awesome local teachers, makers, artists, foodies and DIY’ers. They have over 50 different classes for every different type of commitment and skill level.  If you want to learn something cool or know a friend of yours who is passionate about a certain craft, this is a dope gift.

Baller Electric Scooter or bicycle
Price: $2,999
Where to find it:
e scooter

If you’re going big this holiday season….GenZe makes an electric scooter and an electric bicycle ($1500) both are dope if you like getting around without burning fossil fuels.  Full disclosure GenZe is a BAS sponsor, but we’ve ridden their bikes and we fucking love them.  In terms of e-bikes, and as far as we can tell, they are the most affordable out there.  They’re using space age technology and we’re into it.

The Most Amazing T-shirts in the fucking world
(Shameless plug)

bas shirt

Price: $20
Where to find it:

Happy holidays everyone!

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Alex Mak - Managing Editor

Alex Mak - Managing Editor

I'm the managing editor here at Broke-Ass Stuart. I enjoy covering Bay Area News as well as writing about Arts, Culture & Nightlife.

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