ComedyMusic

I’m Too Fuckin Old for EDM Festivals…and so are you

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Adding to the list of events nowhere near Levi Stadium but christened “super bowl events”: Super City 50 EDM cluster fuck fest 2016! I spent my Saturday night bumping around this event.

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First off dear reader, you may be offended at the title; too bad, reality is a cold hard bitch.
Here, let’s take a little quiz:

  • Are you more than 3 years over 18?
  • When you go to these events are you able to wear whatever you want without changing in between cars so mom and dad won’t see your neon thong tutu with matching cat ears outfit?
  • Are you confused what a matching neon thong tutu cat ears outfit looks like?
  • Do you find puke in the doorway of an event a pretty gross newb move?

*If you answered yes to any of these questions, I hate to break it to you, but you’re too damn old to be going.

But, let’s move on.

I arrived to this event and was lucky enough to be allowed to enter in the VIP entrance where I was greeted by more “OWH MUY GWADS” and high pitched noises then I knew what to do with. (Still not sure what was so exciting…fake ivy plants set to top 40s techno? Is that cool now?)
Also, throw up. None of my fellow bass junkie patrons seemed to mind or notice this rookie mistake upon entry. For which I need to pause. Did I miss something? In my days of thong tutu wearing, it was embarrassing if you couldn’t handle your drugs! You didn’t puke the minute you walked in! You hid in shame in an ally throwing up there, as you should. Gross, get your shit together. I guess what I’m saying youth of EDM, learn how to do your drugs.

I digress.
Despite this initial smack in the face of glittery idealism and abandonment, the crowd overall is somehow….subdued? The VIP Lounge had the vibe of some high school hall way, but the school had no dress code and the teachers (security contractors) gave less than no fucks. Chaotic and loud, yet maintained and not that wild. The rowdiest I saw while walking around was the occasional couples laying on the ground, in the Oakland Coliseum, rubbing on each other…and more people throwing up in the bleachers (God damn it…stop that). Really though, nothing says sexy sexy times like rolling around the Coliseum’s concrete floors littered with puke and beer from past and current events. So I watch for a couple minutes.
I give up on the party newbs and head to get a better view of what’s going on. I get lost many times and wander the labyrinth of tunnels and hallways in the Coliseum. Realizing no one is interested in reading about me being a tipsy Nancy Drew, I get my ass up to the press box. After surveying the massive crowd that fills the stage and dance floor area built into the A’s field, I am escorted to the press pit next to the stage for pictures. I must say, the organizers did a hell of a job turning a baseball field into a huge area of dance.

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I check for some debauchery down on the floor, but I find bunches of people on their phone and a few girls gyrating on the bars barely able to keep their eyes open…at least no one is puking here so I consider this area a win.

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Finally, the main acts start and I realize the general mellow vibe must have been be due to the lack of lights flashing at them. It did start at 2pm, day light is very confusing and doesn’t flash. Now everyone is moving!

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But, really, it wasn’t all bad. E-40 showed up during Diplo’s set! Major Lazer got some play as being part of what makes Diplo awesome in the opening of his set. Diplo also shot confetti all over and that was wildly entertaining watching people’s minds get blown out of their ass from it.

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All in all his set wasn’t bad. Acting very confident in myself I was able to get back stage and dance around there. I’m sure I gave myself away by, in actuality, not being cool.

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Also, there was someone named Alesso there. I don’t think that’s a real person’s name.
In conclusion, the bar there make a pretty stiff G&T, thank glitter gob is was the reasonable price of only $13 and, bonus, few were old enough to get drinks, so no line!

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sarahk

sarahk

Born and raised in the bay. I'm just a tumbling weed, or something along those cliched lines. Good times adventurist. Always on the hunt for the weird and unusual, while I myself AM weird and unusual. (10 points if you get that). Currently calling home Oakland. Lovin all the art, culture, drinking and the food.

4 Comments

  1. Diplo isn't a real name either
    February 11, 2016 at 7:29 pm

    Sorry, but this is just a very poorly written rant. Everyone’s entitled to their own opinions, but how are you going to say you think Alesso isn’t a real person’s name. Yeah clearly. Skrillex isn’t a person’s name. 4B, Mija, Alison Wonderland, Deadmau5, etc. All aren’t “real names”.
    Also your use of newb is doesn’t make you seem very mature yourself.

  2. Haters Gonna Hate
    February 12, 2016 at 9:17 am

    You’re not too old, you’re just too negative. You’ve probably had a stick shoved so far up your ass your whole life that all your heart is filled with is hate. How do you not know who Alesso is? That’s like going to a hip hop concert and not knowing who Future is. If you don’t like something, then don’t go. It has nothing to do with age. You do look like a basic cookie cutter cat lady though, so I’m sure it was hard to leave your cats at home. Cheers to you for breaking outside the norm of your typical Netflix/cat/wine binge filled Saturday nights.

  3. Ohmyohmy
    February 12, 2016 at 11:04 am

    Okay so you don’t like electronic music or the culture, we get it. Which is really sad as it is the most inclusive and positive music culture there is. You are never too old, I am 39, raving for 25 years and have no plans to stop. And the organizers of Super City did an amazing job for a first time festival.

  4. Megan
    February 12, 2016 at 2:37 pm

    If the other people there to enjoy the festival bother you *that much*, then don’t go. It’s a party. There will be obnoxious people there. There’s also a bunch of awesome music and pretty lights there. You could choose to have fun, or choose to be annoyed by everyone who looks at you. Attitude has nothing to do with age.