I just drank the Starbucks Unicorn Frappuccino and puked a rainbow

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Welcome to, “We ate it, so you don’t have to.”

A sign that says, “Only available if you believe,” sat and judged me while I approached the barista with a look of shame on my face. You’d think the first thing out of my mouth would have been a phrase of acknowledgment, but instead I said, “Please, don’t hate me.”

While the #unicorn phenom is currently taking Instagram by storm (because you know, #eatingfortheinsta), Starbucks was smart to bank in on it. Of course, the demographic is primarily young girls. Imagine the barista’s surprise when a 36-year-old, brown, round, woman with grey hairs ordered up this limited edition sugary drink. I watched while the pissed off barista started on the Unicorn. It was a lot less involved than I anticipated. A little bit of milk, some raspberry-colored powder, some pumps of flavoring, a long squirt of blue gunk on the inside rim of the cup, a blitz in the Vitamix, topped with whipped cream and a sprinkling of fairy dust. Boom. I opted for the small. But, the obviously unteenaged dude behind me, went balls out and ordered a large. I was impressed.

And sugary it was. I only lasted five sips of this skittles-flavored concoction before I passed out in my GTI from a diabetic coma. When I came to, I puked a rainbow in the parking lot.