Eat & Drink

13 Ways You’re Being Rude To Your Server Without Even Realizing It

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When most customers go into a restaurant, it isn’t their intention to be rude to the staff. Surely there are some surly people who embrace their vulgarity and overall lack of manners, but a lot of times people can be inconsiderate without even realizing it. Here are things you’re doing that you don’t even know are rude AF.

No Eye Contact. Your server looks at you when they ask what you’d like to eat and by not returning the favor of direct eye contact, you’re making that server feel unimportant. It doesn’t need to be a long, meaningful gaze into the windows of your server’s soul, but a simple glance to let that person know they are being seen is greatly appreciated. If they greet you or ask how you’re doing and you say you want a cup of coffee without even looking up from your phone, that server knows right away how impolite you are and you’ll be playing defense the rest of the meal without even knowing it.

Ignoring or Disregarding Suggestions. If you ask what the special is and it’s not to your liking, there’s no need to grimace, roll your eyes, stick out your tongue with disgust, and make noises as if the very thought of ordering liver and Brussels sprouts induces your gag reflex. Just say thank you, and go back to the menu. Your server is trying to help.

Overstaying Your Welcome. Restaurants make money by turning the tables, so the more customers that can come and go during a lunch or dinner, the more money will be made. Sitting at a prime table on a Saturday night when there are other customers waiting to be seated is a no-no. It’s not like you need to rush out as soon as you swallow your last bite of food, but lingering for half an hour after the check has been paid is flat out rude. Quadruple that level of rudeness if you’ve paid your check and the restaurant has been closed for longer than thirty minutes. In these COVID times with limited capacity for so many restaurants, table turnover is even more important.

Assuming That Servers Don’t Want to be Servers. While it’s certainly true that a lot of people who wait tables are doing it as they pursue other interest, there are plenty of servers who are quite happy with their job. If you ask a server “what else they want to to do” or “what are you in school for,” you’re assuming they can’t possibly be content serving food as a career. Don’t unintentionally try to shame a server for being a server.

Not Valuing the Server’s Time. If you’re still trying to decide what you want to order, don’t ask your server to ‘hold on” while you hem and haw between two entrees. As they stand at your table awkwardly for five minutes, pen and order pad in hand, there are about a million other things they could be doing. Just say you’re not ready so that can go do one of those million other things. Also, asking for something every time they come to your table is a huge waste of their time. It’s alright to ask for extra napkins, ketchup, and a water refill all at once.

Touching them. You probably mean no harm when you gently tap your waitress on the shoulder to get her attention or when you grab her wrist because you want the check to go to you instead of someone else at the table, but no server wants to be touched by a stranger. Ever. Never. Like, seriously, don’t touch them. If you need their attention, use your words and say “excuse me” or if they’re across the room, use your eyeballs to make contact (Remember eye contact? It’s a good thing.)

Honorable mentions: Telling your server to have a nice weekend when you know they are working on the weekend. Snapping your fingers or whistling to get their attention. Sitting at a recently vacated dirty table because you want to claim it as yours. Telling them to smile more. Moving tables on your own. Asking to adjust the thermostat or the type of music playing. Talking on your phone when they are serving you.

You never want to be rude to the person handling your food and if you avoid these pitfalls, at least you won’t do it unknowingly.

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Bitchy Waiter

Bitchy Waiter

Darron Cardosa is a writer, actor, singer, and waiter. He lives and and works in New York City and enjoys "The Brady Bunch," "The Facts of Life" and cocktails almost as much as he hates your baby.


  1. Neil Dunsmore
    October 28, 2020 at 9:13 pm

    There’s one I’d like to add that’s kind of related to ‘overstaying your welcome’, and it’s something I’ve dealt with myself when working a shift. It’s when customers come in, like, 5-10 minutes before closing time, resulting in the staff having to work overtime. There’s a big chance those working in the kitchen have probably spent the last while cleaning up for the night, and thanks to that late comer, they have no choice but to redo all of that.

    • T
      October 29, 2020 at 3:27 pm

      Neil, when should that last minute customer cut off time be then? A half hour before closing, an hour? Need to know.

      • Jon Roberts
        November 1, 2020 at 4:47 am

        Try 45-60mins before closing hours. That gives time for the drinks/food decision, and still leaves time for at least a 2-course meal. Nothing worse than people coming in with 15mins till closing, then ordering entrees and a well-done steak to follow, usually within a minute of closing time.

  2. Angelo
    November 1, 2020 at 7:09 am

    telling your server “ have a nice weekend” is a great thing to do regardless if they are working that weekend or not. It’s being polite and positive. That’s wishing good luck for them. I would switch that out for customers who like to come in 20 minutes before we close like bruh I promise you everyone hates you! ?

  3. May 13, 2021 at 9:13 am

    I had a lady stop me in my tracks to ask “do we know what is going on in there?” (in the kitchen) This was Mothers Day..I took my mask off so she could see my whole face, not just my big, wide open 58 year old eyes! I replied, “why, yes, we ABSOLUTELY do” She proceeds to say, “I’m not trying to be rude” That was all I heard, as I replaced my mask and abruptly walked away w/out missing a beat!! I am a 40 year veteran in this business and have seen it all!! I LOVE your stories!! Keep em coming! Needless to say, I was not out with my children and grandson on MY day! Not at the beach and, most definitely, not in a restaurant with every entitled Karen being a bitch to their servers!!