When Is IKEA Not Your Friend? When You’re Furnishing a One-month Sublet

In hindsight, I believe the logic used to implement this idea went like this: “I am a cheapskate who wants to explore NYC, but I’m deathly scared of bedbugs. No furniture equals no hidden places that those darn cretins can hide.” This is a valid concern since bedbugs are known to ruin entire human lives.

I also believe that somewhere in the deciding process, these thoughts entered my consciousness: “I can channel my inner creativity to create my own personal zen space in which I can spend hot summer nights peacefully dreaming while I am here absorbing all that New York City has to offer…. AND I can find all the items to express my mad interior decorating skillz cheaply at IKEA.”

It doesn’t matter how easy you think it is or how cheap you believe IKEA is. It’s always going to cost you more money, time and freakin’ stress than anticipated. The effort you put in, spending a whole day schlepping out to Red Hook to buy assemble-it-yourself furniture that you can’t return unless it’s in original packaging for your empty sublet in the East Village that you’re not going to spend any time in anyway, is ultimately NOT worth it.

After attempting to sell furniture that is less than a month old and expecting maximum ROI (but getting a huge thorn up my backside instead), here’s what I learned: Unless you’re committed to an unfurnished place for at least a year, you’re better off getting a sleeping bag or a blow up mattress and camping out on the floor. Alternatively, you can get an Equinox membership for their Kiehl’s bath products and sleep on a nearby park bench or piece of pavement. They have 21 locations in Manhattan, so this should be easy to find. Anyway you do it, this wisdom still holds: You can’t get bedbugs if you don’t have a bed.