Report: Taylor Swift NYC Ambassador, Gentrifies The Gentrified, Makes Me Want To ‘Kanye’ Her Again

They say it takes ten years to become a New Yorker. I have, what I assume will be, a short six years left to go but I am in absolutely no rush to become a New Yorker. What does becoming a New Yorker even mean, really? I have lived in major cities all of my life and although New York has always been special, I (unlike many imported young creatives and struggling actors from fly-over states) never felt the need to jerk off while thinking about how great New York is. And that’s not to say that it’s not great, because it is, but part of what makes it great is its realness.

I am one of the few writers on staff who is not originally from one of the five boroughs and I’m good with that. I used to have an issue with some of the New York-based writers provocative posts  on our site, but the one thing that we have in common, even when we get together, is that we keep shit real. Taylor Swift, as the welcoming ambassador for NYC simply is NOT real.

Although the real New York City, like most other cities, has successfully managed to separate itself from the illusory and lucrative touristy parts, I believe that entrusting Taylor Swift with the duty to represent this town is insulting. Not only for native New Yorkers; not only for imports, but for all the young kids out there who dream of moving to this city, someday, and have absolutely no idea what they’re in for.

For those of us who already exist in a sensationalized New York, where excitement isn’t just abound for tourists, I believe this is how gentrification of the gentrification begins: tourists view New York as some sort of theme park and the international reputation for the center of the universe stops being a scotch whiskey Manhattan and turns into a zip-a-dee-doo-da vanilla latte. Reputations and credibility are imperative to a cities dynamic and we all make judgments based on an initial experience, usually as a tourist. The issue is not only Taylor Swift’s new title but also the things that are associated with it and with her. I am not a New Yorker, but I didn’t move to New York for big box chain stores, mega-churches or some cheesed up squeaky clean image…and neither did you! That is simply not what New York is. I have a fear that between Glee and Taylor Swift kids will begin to think that New York is actually a friendly place.

In my efforts to announce what could be the realest and greatest NYC Welcoming Ambassadors OF ALL TIME, let’s take a look at who NYCGO should have chosen because there are a number of influential, high-profile public figures who could have out-Taylor’d Taylor once again. Broadway star Sutton Foster, Dee Snider, the promoters from House of Screwball, hot mess’d rockstar Courtney Love, that ‘Rent-is-Too-Damn-High’ guy or even Dan Smith who, if you haven’t heard, will also teach you guitar.

How long will it be before Taylor Swift fans pack their special edition T-Swizzle t-shirts and naiveté, get a plane ticket and claim that they want to live in New York, thereby increasing the cost of living again?! They won’t care how high the broker’s fee is.

So yes, white people paying thousands upon thousands of dollars to live in Williamsburg and now Bushwick and now Harlem and Astoria and Long Island City, you should be worried. It won’t be long before they figure out where the L train goes.

I am not a New Yorker but I do wonder what the hell is happening to the city that I call home. Last week we had an Ebola scare, this week Taylor Swift becomes the NYC welcoming ambassador and I’m not saying these two things are related but it does make you think, doesn’t it?

Photo Credit: eurweb.com