I can’t tell if I’m waking up or just going to sleep. My drunken stupor has muffled my senses, each coming in and out of focus in a kaleidoscope of sound and touch. I slowly begin to ascend the tiers of sobriety, and as I do, my senses return. There is sound.

There are those that write blogs and those that read blogs. I find that I’m way better at creating content than I am at reading content.

I hate Valentine’s Day. Sure, I’m a hopeless romantic who usually spends every February 14th alone doing Jell-O shots in my chaise while eating bacon-fried bacon and masturbating to re-runs of Breaking Bad, but I retain the comfort of knowing Internet Girlfriend will never leave nor punch me in the face. The real reason

People frequently mistake me for being gay. Certainly much more than they mistake me for being a comedian. But despite the fact that I studied theater in college while working at the Gap, living in the co-ops and sucking dick on the side for money, I am neither gay nor bisexual.

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding

I’m not the first and certainly won’t be the last person to write about the importance of male penis size, but hey, dick talk be making it rain hella page views up in this server. Plus, in the wake of the recent size scandal at Subway, it seemed as good

Last week I was given a tour of the Kink.com (NSFW) studios, housed at the San Francisco Armory. If you’re not familiar with Kink, they’re an online porn production company specializing in BDSM and niche categories. I learn by doing, so you can imagine my disappointment when I found out that the tour wasn’t

Like many San Franciscans, I am exceptionally poor. As in I’m on Food Stamps poor. As in I had to ask the cashier to void my transaction when I found out Carl’s Jr. couldn’t accept my Food Stamps poor, which was awkward for both me and my date (to be