Broke-Ass Acne Treatments

We are not being very kind to our skin. Our days/eves are completely crammed with different activities that are damaging to skin. Smoking, furrowing your brow from the stress of not smoking, city pollution, making bad choices that make you put your head in your hands therefore causing you to touch your face – these things all cause acne. I thought then when you hit your mid-twenties some magical skin fairy would come and make all of my pimple-related torture go away. I thought wrong. Here I am at the ripe age of older-than-25, and my skin still regularly looks like someone is vomiting Totino’s Party Pizza all over it.

When I was in High School, I got to go to this fancy dermatologist who gave me cream to take care of the problem. Sadly, I am no longer on my parent’s health insurance. I don’t have time to wait until I get grown-up health insurance to get laid. So, I began experimenting with home remedies to cure acne. I think I am an expert now since I have been dealing with this problem since before Justin Bieber started getting his pubes in. So, like, a year now.
Broke-Ass Acne Treatments:
1. Toothpaste: Put a dab on your pimple and leave on overnight. This isn’t my favorite method but it’s worked out okay for me before. I like smelling minty in general.
2. Baking Soda: This has worked wonders for me. You just make a little paste with a bit of water and cake it on the trouble area. You can sleep with this on, too. It will crumble and fall off but it’s magic residue will still be hanging out, kicking your troublesome skin’s face in. It’s also very good to brush with baking soda to whiten your teeth so be throw some on your toothbrush as well.
3. Rest, avoiding alcohol, responsibility: Yeah, right. I’d rather look like an asshole than miss out on everything and actually be one.
4. Benzoyl peroxide: Is this the one that burns and bubbles? Or is that alcohol? I can’t tell. Either way, if you come at me with a cotton ball soaked in anything I am getting the heck out of there. There is no way I would ever put this on my face.
5. Wash your face: Soap and water are pretty effective for keeping your body clean and germ-free. I know some of you are duh-ing that statement. The rest of us understand that sometimes life gets in the way of taking the time to do the routines needed to have good skin. So just scrub your mug! I think that’s the way.
It could end up that you just need to buy something from the drugstore to help you. I kinda like this.  It’s soft and nice. Whatever you do, please remember, Proactiv is for jerks. I bet you each $1 that Drake will be starring in their infomercials within the year.

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About the author

Donna Rose - Bankrupt Blonde

DR has maintained at or just below poverty level her entire life. She lives in Oakland with her imaginary pet cat, Joel.