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What Europeans say about U.S. Presidential Candidates

Being in the public eye, especially as a politician, every single thing you do gets scrutinized. Imagine your high school days, but on social crack. From social media, to the things you say, the things you tweet, those embarrassing moments, it’s all judged.

I once had a writing tutor tell me that I was “too close to the subject” to be able to see it clearly. That’s why my writing was shit. What if, as American voters, we are too close to the subject to really understand what’s going on? So our view of most presidential candidates is shit. Maybe we should take a step back and look at the bigger picture…

I took a poll amongst people in the UK and Europe to see what they thought of the 2016 presidential candidates. What? Just keep reading, it’s unbelievably awesome. Why would I do this? My best friend told me if she voted she would vote for Trump.

iwannapunchyou

This all got me thinking about the 2008 presidential elections. I was in Prague. The most fabulous thing I found on the trip was not the absinthe…it was a monthly event calendar with Sarah Palin’s face surrounded by the words:

In Your Guts, You Know She’s Nuts!

I sincerely thought this was the most awesome thing I had ever seen, because it meant the rest of the world thought she was bat shit too. The opinion of the rest of the world should be regarded even though it’s our voting process. The rest of the world is invested in who our leader is, because it affects so many things for them including their business, trade and general welfare. The world has a vested interest in Americans. The first time I saw this opinion unified was in the election of President Obama. Now that 2016’s theme has become “Welcome to The Shit Show”, the rest of the world has a different point of view.

The general consensus is that:

The elections are getting a bit brutal.

If Hillary gets the nod, watch out. Kathleen Willey is gonna be all like, “It’s about to get stabby in here.”  I can bet Willey’s the kind of person who posts memes like this on facebook in lieu of going on a murderous rampage…

willeylol

The problem with Hillary isn’t that she has a vagina, it’s that “she doesn’t seem very sincere”. Well, neither does old Jeb Bush. At every single debate he looks like the awkward kid in the wrong class. Like he’s hiding something…

Things I trust more than Jeb Bush:

  1. Flint River Water
  2. Bill Cosby Drinks
  3. Elevator Rides With Ray Rice
  4. Anything from Chipotle

jeb-moose-ears1

Then there’s “The Donald”. My British mate totally sees Trump as,

“The lame dog that should be taken out back and shot.”

Parliament debated for three hours, three motherfucking hours, on whether or not this man should sincerely be allowed to cross the border into the UK ever again. Am I the only person in the U.S. that sees what is wrong with this? He’ll have us nuked by North Korea less than 30 days into term. And yet, still, people in the state of WV are gonna vote for him because:

Donald-Trump-haters-gonna-hate

Then there’s ol’ Benny.

“Ben Carson is your housemate that is convinced he should be a member of MENSA, but believes dwarf tigers are a thing.”

“You mean cats?”

“No, Mini. Tigers.”

“So, cats.”

Most people in Europe are like, “I don’t even know why he’s still there.” After this meme broke the internet, like Kim K’s fabulous ass, I don’t either.

hot-wheels

I mean, he didn’t even bother to turn up to his own New Hampshire Primary Party. He was still looking for his place on stage, I guess.

They really are, like, the biggest band of merry douche bags you have ever seen in your entire life. And the rest of the world sees them too, just twiddling their thumbs, while the mediators announce their names, “Bueller…”

bueller-meme-generator-anyone-bueller-e3495d

I personally feel like Bernie Sanders is the Gwen Stefani of the presidential playground and he ain’t no ‘Hollaback Girl’. According to our mates across the pond: If you vote GOP this year, you are B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

 

Photos courtesy of Pinterest

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Brittany McComas - Sassy Lil' Biscuit

Sassy Lil' Biscuit moonlighting as an underwater basket weaver. What? It's a valid profession.